


Mass Effect: Love Conquers All

by theaterman007



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, F/M, Literature, Paragon Commander Shepard, Post-Horizon (Mass Effect), Romance, Sci-Fi, fan fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-25 22:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7549060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theaterman007/pseuds/theaterman007
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years Commander Shepard was dead. Two years Operations Chief Ashley Williams had mourned her lovers death. Now Shepard has been brought back to life for an important mission. That mission has reunited him with Ashley. But can their relationship be salvaged after two years apart?</p><p>Disclaimer: The universe this story takes place in and the characters who occupy it are the property of BioWare and EA Games.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shepard

It was really her. Standing in front of Commander Mark Shepard was the woman he had wanted to find ever since he had been brought back from the dead: Operations Chief Ashley Williams. Trying to find Ashley had proven to be easier said than done. Every time he made inquires about where she was, the only answers he could get were either that the person didn't know or couldn't say because her location was classified. Now he had finally found her on the planet Horizon.

The reason Shepard was on Horizon in the first place was because it was the latest human colony to be targeted by an enigmatic race known as the Collectors. Sometime while Shepard was dead, the Collectors started abducting entire human colonies for unknown reasons. The abductions prompted the Illusive Man, the head of a pro-human survivalist group called Cerberus, to recover Shepard's body, bring him back to life and task him with investigating the abductions and find a way to stop them. He even mentioned that he had suspicions that the Collectors were working with the Reapers, an advanced race of living dreadnoughts that would have launched an assault to wipe out all organics if Shepard hadn't prevented their entrance to the galaxy through the secret Citadel mass relay. Shepard initially wanted to tell the Illusive Man off and walk away because he remembered the sick and twisted experiments he discovered Cerberus conducting while he was hunting a rogue turian Spectre named Saren Arterius. But, in the end, Shepard's paragon nature wouldn't let him ignore what was happening to the colonists and the fact that the Reapers were involved in the abductions. With official law enforcement bogged down in red tape, Cerberus was the only organization that had the means and capability to do anything about the abductions. So as much as it pained him to do it, Shepard agreed to work with Cerberus and lead a team on a mission to stop whatever the Collectors and Reapers were planning. The trail ultimately brought him to Horizon…and Ashley.

The first emotion Shepard felt when he saw Ashley was relief. The Collectors had managed to abduct more than half the colony before Shepard and his squad were able to interrupt their operation. Seeing Ashley in front of him confirmed Shepard's hope that Ashley hadn't been abducted. Then when Ashley hugged him, Shepard was filled with happiness. He thought about the relationship the two of them had during their hunt for Saren and the night they spent together towards the end of that mission. All those memories had made him wish to be in Ashley's arms again and now he was.

Standing behind him watching the event were two of his squadmates, Garrus Vakarian and Miranda Lawson. Garrus was a turian former Citadel Security (C-SEC) officer and close friend of Shepard who was also on the squad with him and Ashley during the hunt for Saren. Like Shepard, he was happy to see Ashley again. Seeing Shepard and Ashley hug also made him happy. He was one of the few people who had a hunch about Shepard and Ashley's relationship but he kept his mouth shut because he knew that it was technically a violation of Alliance fraternization regulations and he didn't want to get his friends in trouble. The way he saw it, Shepard and Ashley still did their jobs well despite their relationship, maybe better. There seemed to be no harm in letting the relationship go on.

Miranda Lawson was a Cerberus operative and Shepard's executive officer. She was also the one who ran the Lazarus Project that brought Shepard back to life. While Miranda had proven herself to be good at her job, her strong loyalty to Cerberus had made her initial interactions with Shepard somewhat tense. Part of her job during the Lazarus Project was learning everything there was to know about Shepard but she didn't seem to be giving any indication as to whether or not she knew of Shepard and Ashley's relationship.

"I thought you were dead Shepard," said Ashley, "we all did."

The happiness Shepard was feeling quickly vanished. Something wasn't right. He thought he had heard a hint of bitterness in Ashley's voice. It wasn't the kind of reaction he expected to get from her when they reunited.

"You don't sound too happy to see me," he said when their hug broke, "something bothering you, Ash?"

"Yeah, something's bothering me. I spent the past two years believing you were dead."

It quickly dawned on Shepard what was wrong and he silently cursed to himself. He was so happy to see Ashley that he forgot that while it seemed liked only a few weeks to him since he last saw her, it was two years for her. Two years she was mourning his death and now he was standing right in front of her alive and well. He couldn't believe how stupid he was for not taking that into consideration when he thought about what he would say when he saw her again.

Ashley continued, "we had something, Shepard. Something real. I…I loved you. I thought you were dead. I almost…How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?"

The first thing Shepard felt was surprised. Ashley just said that she loved him. During the entire time before his death that he was with Ashley, they had never admitted their love for each other. That was not to say that they didn't love each other, they just never reached the point where they could actually say it out loud. Hearing Ashley say it now was unexpected. It also told Shepard how bad his death had affected Ashley.

The other thing Shepard felt was concerned. From Ashley's tone and the rapid-fire questions she was asking him, he was sensing a hint of betrayal. He couldn't blame her for that though. If Shepard had not been brought back to life himself, he would have also believed that it was impossible for a dead person to be resurrected. The only logical explanation left for Shepard's unexpected reappearance was that he had faked his death and deliberately chose not to contact her and let her know that he was okay. Shepard faking his death was the story that the rest of the galaxy believed happened and it had already caused him a few problems. He couldn't let that happen with Ashley too so he had to try his best to get her to understand the truth.

"Not my choice," he said, "I spent the last two years in some kind of coma while Cerberus rebuilt me."

Ashley stepped back away from Shepard and looked at him with a shocked expression. She then looked back towards Garrus with a similar expression. It was almost as if Shepard had hit her with a bombshell. Since Shepard wasn't sure what he had said that would make her react that way, all he could do was wait for her to explain it herself.

"You're with Cerberus now? Garrus too? I can't believe the reports were right."

"Reports?" Garrus said surprised. "You mean you already knew?"

"Alliance intel said Cerberus could be behind our missing colonies," Ashley continued, "we got a tip that this one could be the next one to get hit. I went to Anderson, but he wouldn't talk. But there were rumors that you weren't dead. Worse, that you were working for the enemy."

The conversation seemed to just keep getting worse. Now Ashley was under the impression that Shepard and Garrus were working FOR Cerberus. That was far from the case. In the first place, how could she think Garrus would be with Cerberus? They were a pro-human group and didn't have any nonhumans in their organization. Plus Garrus had seen the same things Shepard and Ashley did at the Cerberus bases. The reason Garrus was with Shepard now was because Shepard discovered Garrus was the real identity of a vigilante he was sent to recruit for the mission. Despite some initial hesitation because of Cerberus' involvement, Garrus trusted that Shepard knew what he was doing and agreed to join Shepard's crew and even became the Normandy's gunnery officer.

As for Shepard, he might have been in command of a Cerberus ship that was run by a crew consisting mostly of Cerberus operatives but he was not actually a member of Cerberus himself. He was just using the resources Cerberus provided him to investigate the colony abductions. Beyond that, Shepard would never officially join Cerberus because his past run-ins with the group showed him how dangerous they really were.

Ashley's accusation aside, there was something else troublesome about what she had said. Shepard hadn't given it much thought but now he was starting to wonder how it was possible that nearly everyone in the galaxy knew about his return and about his supposed joining with Cerberus. One thing Cerberus was especially good at was keeping their operations secret. The Illusive Man himself was an enigma as no one knew his real identity. The operations Shepard came across during his hunt for Saren were found purely by accident. Being so good at keeping secrets, how could Cerberus accidentally let information about Shepard's return slip out so much that it was known across the galaxy?

Unless….it wasn't an accident. When Shepard took into consideration the tip that Ashley mentioned the Alliance receiving about Horizon, a troubling, yet unsurprising, thought came to him. What if the Illusive Man was the tipster and what if he intentionally allowed Shepard's return to become known. Shepard knew that he was going to need to have a serious talk with the Illusive Man about these theories when he got back to the Normandy but at the moment he needed to help Ashley see that his alliance with Cerberus was not what she thought it was.

"Cerberus and I want the same thing," he said, "to protect our colonies. That doesn't mean I answer to them."

The look on Ashley's face indicated that she didn't buy it, "do you really believe that? Or is that just what Cerberus wants you to think? I wanted to believe that you were alive…I just never expected anything like this. How could you just turn your back on all of us? You betrayed the Alliance…Anderson. You betrayed me."

Shepard felt as if Ashley had just stabbed him in the heart. She was practically calling him a traitor. Whatever rumors the Illusive Man had spread about Shepard, Ashley was buying them. It just didn't seem possible to Shepard that Ashley, the woman he cared deeply for would think that he would betray the Alliance…and her.

The worst part was that it sounded like Councilor David Anderson, Shepard's former commanding officer and humanity's representative on the Citadel Council, didn't tell Ashley about the meeting he had with him and the other councilors not too long ago. At that meeting, Shepard told them the same things he was telling Ashley about his alliance with Cerberus. While he was able to put their minds at ease regarding his loyalties, he still couldn't get help from either the Council or the Alliance on his mission. Fortunately the Council was willing to reinstate Shepard's Spectre status as a show of support from them personally and Anderson promised he would do everything in his power to ensure the Alliance wouldn't interfere with Shepard's mission. Nothing that happened in that meeting would indicate a reason for Anderson to feel betrayed by Shepard. If Anderson would have told Ashley that, she would have seen it as well. As Ashley said earlier however, Anderson wouldn't tell her anything when she went to him for information.

Now Shepard was finding himself in the unpleasant position of having to try and convince Ashley that he wasn't a traitor. He figured the best way to do it was tell her about the Collectors' alliance with the Reapers. Ashley was one of the few people who knew that the Reapers existed and what they were capable of. If she knew they were involved in the abductions, surely she would see that Shepard's reasons for his actions were justified.

"Ash," he said, "you know me. You know I'd only do this for the right reasons. You saw it yourself. The Collector's are targeting human colonies. And they're working with the Reapers!"

"I'd like to believe you, Shepard. But I don't trust Cerberus. And it worries me that you do. What did they do to you? What if they're behind it? What if they're the ones working with the Collectors."

"Typical Alliance attitude," Miranda scoffed as she crossed her arms, "you're so focused on Cerberus that you're blind to the real threat."

Shepard had to resist every urge to scold Miranda for that remark. Not only did he resent her view about the Alliance, he was also mad at her because her comment was not helping the situation at all. Sadly this was not the time or the place for that. He would probably have to deal with her when they got back to the Normandy. Right now his focus had to be on salvaging whatever trust Ashley still had in him.

However Shepard was troubled by the fact that his mentioning the Reapers hadn't already done that. She should've known that Shepard would not throw the Reapers out there casually. It was also a far better explanation than Cerberus being the one working with the Collectors. Shepard was not saying it was completely impossible for Cerberus to work with aliens. After all, they were having Shepard seek out aliens for help with the mission. What made the idea of Cerberus being behind the abductions hard to believe was that Cerberus was a PRO-human survivalist group so there was no reason for them to abduct entire human colonies. Shepard couldn't believe it but it was possible Miranda was actually right and that Ashley was focusing solely on Cerberus and was letting her knowledge of the group keep her from being able to move on to other explanations for the abductions.

"You're letting how you feel about their history get in the way of facts," he said.

"Or maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved you. Maybe it's you. Doesn't matter…I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. It's in my blood. I'm reporting back to the Citadel. I'll let them decide if they believe your story."

With that last statement, Ashley turned and began to walk away. Every step she took away from Shepard made his heart ache more. The woman who was his fellow soldier, friend and lover was leaving him. What he had hoped would be a happy reunion had become anything but. Ashley had accused him of betrayal and working for a terrorist group. All that time they spent together and she was letting the smoke screen of rumors keep her from seeing the man she "loved" was still there and would never do such a thing.

Even though it seemed unlikely to change her mind, Shepard decided to make one last appeal to Ashley. He understood what she said about her being a soldier and that her loyalty was with the Alliance but he didn't want to continue the mission without her. It was partially because he knew she would be an excellent addition to his crew and it would be nice to have another familiar face from his old team join up with him again. Mostly though, he didn't want her to go because…well, he loved her too. Aside from the mission, the chance to be with Ashley again was what made being brought back to life worth it. If he lost her, then he would have nothing.

As he called out to her, he made sure that he spoke in a professional tone so as not to let his squad know the real reason for doing so. He trusted Garrus wouldn't have a problem with it but Miranda…it was best not to give her another reason besides the fact Ashley was an Alliance soldier to keep him from letting her come.

"I could use someone like you on my crew, Ash. It'll be just like old times."

"No, it won't. I'm no fan of aliens, but Cerberus has a history of being extremist. I'll never work for a group like that. Goodbye, Shepard. Just…try to be careful."

After the final farewell, Ashley continued to walk away and was soon gone from Shepard's view. Shepard didn't know how he was supposed to feel at that moment. He was already frustrated with the fact that his mission to prevent the colonists of Horizon from being abducted was only partially successful. Now the happy reunion he had hoped to have with Ashley didn't happen and he could do nothing but watch her leave him. One thing he had said to Jacob Taylor, another Cerberus member on his crew, was that the people he had served with on the original Normandy were his team and would come back if they knew he was alive. Ashley had just proven his statement wrong. True he currently had three members of his original crew with him again: Garrus, Dr. Karin Chakwas and Flight Lieutenant Jeff "Joker" Moreau. But it was Ashley that he had wanted to come back the most. Her choosing not to join him and all the harsh things she had said to him left him feeling hurt and angry. Not even the brief moment where she showed concern by telling him to be careful was making up for what had happened before that.

Shepard tapped his ear to activate his comm., "Joker - send the shuttle to pick us up. I've had enough of this colony."

* * *

Back on board the Normandy, Shepard was riding in the elevator up to his cabin. He needed to get away from work which he had not been able to do since they had left Horizon. With his mission debriefings and rounds finally over, he was going to the one place where he could have some privacy…at least what little privacy he could get. Cerberus had planted cameras and microphones in his cabin but Shepard expected they would and immediately saw to it that each and every one was disabled. Sadly as long as the intercom worked there was always a chance he might be disturbed. He silently hoped that given what happened on Horizon that the crew would respect his need for privacy and not page him.

When he stepped off the elevator and entered his cabin, he waked past his main desk with his private terminal on it and went down the steps towards the desk next to the right side of his bed. He laid his hands on the surface and hung his head. The pace of his breathing quickened and his fingers drummed on the desk as he could feel the anger boiling inside him trying to surface. The professional attitude he needed to maintain in front of his crew kept him from letting his anger over the events of Horizon show. That became even harder after his debriefing with the Illusive Man.

During the meeting, the Illusive Man casually confirmed the theories Shepard had formed about him on Horizon. He admitted to letting slip that Shepard was alive and with Cerberus as well as giving the Alliance the tip about Horizon that brought Ashley there. His reason for doing so was that it was part of what he called a "calculated risk" to test a theory of his that the Collectors were looking for Shepard or people connected to him. The Collectors going after Ashley and the colonists on Horizon proved he was right. He also tried to justify his actions by saying that the Collectors would have taken another colony eventually and luring them to Horizon gave them a better chance of preventing the Collectors from abducting an entire colony.

When the conversation was over, Shepard's anger had intensified for several reasons. The first reason was because, while the Illusive Man didn't say it explicitly, he had another motive for leaking the info about Shepard's return. By purposely altering the rumor so it claimed that Shepard was working "for" Cerberus rather than "with", the Alliance and the Council were led to believe that Shepard faked his death to defect to Cerberus. That explained why they both were hesitant to offer Shepard help with his mission…which Shepard realized was the point. The Illusive Man had set Shepard up so that he had no choice but to accept Cerberus' help. Shepard still hated the fact that he had to work with Cerberus and the second reason for his growing anger had also increased his hatred of that fact. The Illusive Man was willing to put the lives of Ashley and the colonists of Horizon at risk. It was further proof that Shepard was right about how ruthless the Illusive Man's tactics were. Having to accept help from a man like that was hard for Shepard to swallow.

Being alone in his cabin, Shepard could finally let out the anger he was feeling. In a swift motion, he knocked all the items off the desk and onto the floor. His scream of rage echoed in the cabin along with the crashing sounds made when the objects it the floor. His next target was the Prothean sphere he had acquired on a mission to locate a couple of scientists who had disappeared investigating Prothean ruins. He picked it up and threw it across the room nearly missing the fish tank. With nothing else in the immediate area to throw, he went back up to his main desk and was about to throw his private terminal when something else caught his attention.

The picture frame next to the terminal lit up revealing a picture of Ashley. Seeing Ashley's face again made Shepard think about the ultimate reason he was angry at the Illusive Man. The biggest damage caused by the rumor he spread was it ruined Shepard's reunion with Ashley. It caused Ashley to believe that Shepard had betrayed the Alliance by joining Cerberus and made her mistrust him enough to refuse to join him on his mission. Ultimately that was the thing that angered Shepard the most.

Shepard had to work hard to conceal how he truly felt about Ashley not coming with him from the rest of the crew. He only brought up the truth with the Normandy's yeoman and psychologist Kelly Chambers. There was no point in hiding his feelings from a person who specialized in reading behavior. Especially because Kelly actually asked him if he had feelings for Ashley. Their talk did help calm Shepard a little bit but it was only temporary as he was once again reminded about how his meeting with Ashley went when he talked to Joker.

During that conversation, Shepard realized that the bad reunion with Ashley was yet another reminder that he had lost more than just two years of his life while he was dead. Ever since he was brought back to life, he kept finding out that all the things that were important to him were gone. He didn't have his ship, his team had been split up and the Alliance and Council had written off all his warnings about the Reapers. The only thing he had left that made coming back to life worth it was the hope of rekindling his relationship with Ashley. Now that he had lost that, Shepard was now starting to wish that he had never been brought back.

"Why?" Shepard asked himself, "Why couldn't Ashley see the truth? How could she doubt me after everything we'd been through together? Garrus, Dr. Chakwas and Joker believed in me. Hell, Ashley saw Garrus with me on Horizon. She should know he would have saved me if Cerberus was controlling me…which…is actually what she should have tried to do if that's what she thinks happened. Instead she just walked away and left me with Cerberus. I'm not the one who turned my back on my friends! SHE TURNED HER BACK ON ME!"

The last thought caused Shepard to grab the top of the frame and pull the picture down to hide Ashley's face.

…At least that's what he told himself he was going to do. Shepard’s hand shook as he tried to tell it to pull down the photo but it wouldn’t move. Then Shepard's eyes locked with Ashley's and his anger vanished. He let go of the photo and sat in his chair. His eyes filled with tears as his anger turned to sadness and guilt. He couldn't do it. Pulling the picture down would mean he was giving up on Ashley and he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He cared for her too much. He…loved her. One bad encounter didn't mean it was over. Maybe when the mission was over and if he was still alive, he could find Ashley again and have another attempt to rekindle their relationship.

Joker's voice over the intercom snapped Shepard out of his thoughts, "Commander, sorry to interrupt but I wanted to let you know that we're approaching our destination."

Shepard took one last look at Ashley's photo and got up from his chair to head for the elevator. Ashley was going to have to wait. The Illusive Man had given him some additional dossiers for potential squad members and right now the Normandy was on its way to where one of them was located. If Shepard wanted to have any chance of coming out of this mission alive and seeing Ashley again, he needed to keep building up his team and the more people he had on his side the better.


	2. Ashley

The more things change, the more they stay the same. That was Ashley's thought when she stepped out of the cab that brought her to the presidium level of the Citadel. When she was last on the Citadel, the presidium looked like a war zone due to the damage caused by the geth attack. Now the place looked as clean and peaceful as it did before the attack. More than that, it looked exactly like it did before the attack. It disgusted Ashley. It was as if the cleanup crews were under orders to make it appear as if the attack had never happened. True some things are better left forgotten but Ashley knew that attack was a sign that there was something powerful and dangerous coming and the galaxy needed to prepare for it. If they let that fact get brushed away with the ruble, the galaxy was doomed. There was no doubt in her mind that it was all part of the Council's continued attempts to write off the Reapers as merely a myth. To everyone else on the Citadel, things were back to normal but Ashley knew better.

 

Ashley shook off her frustration with the Council's inaction and focused on what was in front of her, the embassy quarters. After the events of Horizon, she called Alliance Command to give her report. To her surprise, her call was forwarded to Councilor Anderson. Before Ashley could get a word in, Anderson told her that she needed to come see him on the Citadel as their conversation was going to involve sensitive material that couldn't be discussed over comms. Ashley knew it was going to be a long trip from the Shadow Sea cluster to the Serpent Nebula but Anderson insisted that they meet in person. Fortunately for Ashley, Anderson had already made travel arrangements for her. The only thing Ashley needed to do was meet each transport and get to the human embassy.

Signs in the embassy quarters pointed towards the human embassy but Ashley didn't need to read them. She knew where Anderson's office was because her previous visit to the Citadel included a visit with Anderson as well. When she arrived at the human embassy, she was surprised to find the door was locked. She knocked on the door but no answer came from the other side. Anderson wouldn't make her come all the way to the Citadel and not be there to greet her when she arrived. She was about to knock on the door again when she noticed an asari coming up behind her.

"May I help you?" the asari asked.

"I'm Operations Chief Ashley Williams," Ashley replied introducing herself, "I'm supposed to report to Councilor Anderson."

The asari smiled, "yes, the councilor told me that you were coming. He was held up at a meeting and asked me to come and let you into his office so that you can wait for him.

The asari proceeded to unlock the door and showed Ashley into the office, "make yourself comfortable. The councilor will be here shortly."

When the asari left, Ashley took a quick look around the office. It hadn't changed much since her last visit. One difference that immediately caught her eye was there was an additional picture frame on Anderson's desk. She picked it up and turned it to see the picture on the other side but there was nothing there…at least initially there wasn't. Before Ashley could put the frame down, the picture lit up and Ashley almost dropped the frame when she saw who it was.

"Kaiden," she whispered as tears started to form in her eyes.

The picture was of Ashley's friend and former squadmate Lieutenant Kaiden Alenko. He served with Ashley on the Normandy during the hunt for Saren until….Virmire. Instantly Ashley's thoughts were brought back to that tragic mission. The Normandy was sent to provide reinforcements to a salarian team that had been looking for leads on Saren. The team had mysteriously dropped out of contact shortly after sending the Council an indecipherable message. Upon finding the team on Virmire, they learned the salarians had found that Saren was running a facility that was breeding an army of krogan. Knowing the damage an army of krogan could cause if Saren released them on the galaxy, it was determined the base and it's research needed to be destroyed. To do that, Ashley was assigned to help led one of the three salarain teams that would distract the geth forces guarding the facility. Meanwhile Kaiden would go with the Normandy team to plant the nuclear bomb that would be used to destroy the facility. Everything was going according to plan until after the bomb had been placed. The geth had pinned down Ashley's team near the defense tower they had to take out to allow the Normandy to safely plant the bomb. Unless Ashley's team received reinforcements, there was no way they would be able to reach the rendezvous point before the bomb went off. Kaiden volunteered to stay behind to arm the bomb while the rest of the Normandy team left to help Ashley's team. When the Normandy team got about halfway there, Kaiden's position was swarmed by geth forces as well. Knowing the bomb had to go off no matter what, Kaiden activated the timer. Unfortunately the countdown to detonation didn't allow the Normandy team enough time to rescue both Ashley and Kaiden. With both Ashley and Kaiden insisting they rescue the other person, it fell onto Normandy team's leader to decide who to save. Shepard chose to save Ashley.

The brief thought of Shepard took Ashley's mind off of Kaiden and back to what happened on Horizon. She witnessed a lot of things there but the one thing she didn't expect to see was Shepard. For two years she had mourned his death. Two years she prayed for him and thought of him every time she read her favorite Alfred Tennyson poems. Then Shepard showed up on Horizon alive and well….and with a Cerberus crew. When the rumors started going around that Shepard was alive and working for Cerberus, Ashley was one of the loudest defenders for him. Most people assumed it was because she was just sticking up for her former commander but it was more than that. They weren't just fellow soldiers. They weren't even just friends. Ashley was Shepard's girlfriend. If Shepard was alive, she would know about it. There was no way Shepard would put her through the pain she had been going through the last two years by pretending to be dead. Plus they both fought together against Cerberus in the past so there was no way Shepard would go work for them. Now Ashley's was forced to face the fact that the rumors seemed to be true.

It just didn't make any sense to her. Why would Shepard ever work for Cerberus? They both saw the sick experiments Cerberus was conducting at the facilities they investigated. Cerberus had to have done something to him after the Normandy was destroyed. But then why wouldn't Garrus have done something to help. Instead it seemed that he was working with Cerberus too. The only reason Garrus would do that was if Shepard was working with Cerberus willingly. As much as it pained Ashley to think that, it was the only conclusion that made sense. The man she loved abandoned her and everything he stood for to join a terrorist group.

That thought then brought up the biggest question she kept asking herself since leaving Horizon: should she have at least tried to bring Shepard back with her? She wondered if maybe she acted too harshly with Shepard. If she had stuck around a little longer and listened to Shepard more, maybe she could have helped him see that what he was doing was wrong and convince him to come back to the Alliance.

"No," Ashley thought, "it wouldn't have made a difference. Shepard knows what Cerberus is like. If that didn't stop him from joining them, nothing I could have said would either. He went so far as to fake his death to do it. He left the Alliance…he left me."

The last thought caused a tear to appear in Ashley's eye. She thought that she and Shepard had something special the whole time they were together. Leaving the Alliance aside, could Shepard really ignore that connection they had and leave her too? Unfortunately between the fact that he faked his death and the fact that Shepard was with a woman that could only be described as beyond attractive, Ashley couldn't doubt that it was possible. Ashley had been heartbroken in the past and had even broken some hearts herself but none of them compared to what she was feeling at that moment. Suddenly the door opened and Councilor David Anderson entered the office. Ashley quickly wiped the tear from her eye and saluted.

"At ease Williams," said Anderson after he saluted back, "I see you noticed my picture of Lieutenant Alenko."

It was then Ashley noticed she still had Kaiden's picture in her hand, "yeah, it's a really nice picture of him. You didn't have this the last time I was here."

"Well if I remember right, the last time you were here was after Shepard's funeral. You weren't in good shape back then and I didn't want to make you feel worse by reminding you of what happened to Alenko. So I had it in a drawer in my desk that day. It's been sitting on my desk from that day on though. He was one of the best soldiers under my command. Sometimes I think about where he would have been in his career if he was still here."

"The galaxy is lesser for his loss, sir."

"Yes it is. Well, enough about the past. Have a seat and let's talk about Horizon.

Once the two were seated, Ashley went into full detail recounting what happened on Horizon. She started with the troubles the colony had trying to get the new defense towers working. Then, shortly after the comm. system stopped working, the colony came under attack by the Collectors. Ashley tried to get the colonists to safety but she was paralyzed when one of the Collectors' drones stung her. Unable to move, all Ashley could do was watch as the Collectors loaded the colonists into pods and onto their ship. She was on the verge of being loaded into a pod herself when the Collectors' operation was interrupted by the arrival of a third party. The third party managed to get the defense towers working and used them to drive the Collectors off world. It was around that time that Ashley regained mobility and ran to the defense towers' controls to investigate.

Now came the part of the story that Ashley was afraid to tell Anderson. As Shepard's former commanding officer and mentor, it was really going to shock him when she revealed that he was alive…and working for Cerberus. Still, he had to know. So she told him about finding Shepard and Garrus in the company of a Cerberus operative. She was about to tell him about the conversation they had when they met but stopped. Something wasn't right. Despite telling Anderson that Shepard was alive, Ashley didn't get any kind of surprise reaction from him. Instead he had been sitting through her entire story with a look of contemplation. Even before she mentioned Shepard, Ashley thought that Anderson would have been surprised by the mention of the Collectors. Anderson picked up on Ashley's confusion and spoke.

"So Shepard was right about the Collectors."

Anderson's statement hit Ashley like a slap to the face. So many questions raced through her head.

"How did Anderson already know about the Collectors? Wait…did he say Shepard told him? When did he talk to Shepard? Why didn't he tell me that he knew about Shepard being alive earlier?"

Despite the many questions Ashley had, she couldn't get any of them out. All she could say was, "I'm sorry, sir?"

Anderson didn't reply right away. Instead he rose from his desk and walked towards the window and looked out at the Presidium below. Ashley got up from her seat and joined him. The view was as spectacular as Ashley remembered from her last visit. Looking out at the people going about their daily business would make anyone forget the danger that loomed throughout the rest of the galaxy. Ashley shook that feeling away. As a soldier, she couldn't forget that fact as she was one of the many people tasked with allowing the Citadel to have this peaceful environment. Fortunately Anderson helped by speaking again.

"What I'm about to tell you Chief is highly classified. The only people privy to this information are the Council, Ambassador Udina, Admiral Hackett and myself. That's why I asked you to meet me in person. We couldn't risk an outside party intercepting this over communication channels. Before I continue, I must have your word that nothing I tell you leaves this room."

Ashley nodded, "I promise, sir."

"Good. When I first heard the rumors that Shepard was alive and that he was supposedly working for Cerberus, I wasn't sure how to feel. I've known Shepard for most of his career and I just couldn't believe he would defect to Cerberus. I decided to send him a message asking him to come and meet with me and the other councilors and explain where he had been the last two years. True I didn't know for sure if he was still alive and it was likely he wasn't going to respond but it was worth a try. The other councilors weren't as convinced as I was that the rumors were false, but they agreed to listen only because they owed Shepard for saving their lives during the geth attack. To our surprise, Shepard did show up and he didn't look any worse for wearer. I was a little concerned at first when I saw that the woman he came with was a Cerberus operative."

That woman again. So not only was Shepard taking her side regarding the Alliance but he also seemed to be taking her almost everywhere he went. Shepard did the same with Ashley during their hunt for Saren by picking her to join him for several of their assignments. Ashley had to do her best to hide the jealously she was feeling. What did Shepard see in that woman that would make him leave Ashley….besides her looks.

Anderson continued, "but then I saw that Shepard was also with your old squadmate Garrus Vakarian as well. Given Cerberus' pro-human reputation, I knew Garrus couldn't have been with them and I began to suspect that I was right about there being more going on than what the rumors were suggesting. Shepard went on to tell us about how he had found out that it was the Collectors who were responsible for the colony abductions and that they were working with the Reapers. He asked for any help that we could give him. Unfortunately the Council refused his request for two reasons. First, the colonies were in the Terminus Systems which is outside their jurisdiction and they couldn't risk a war by getting involved. Mostly though, they didn't want to help because they firmly believe the Reapers don't exist and that Shepard's continued insistence that they do showed how fragile his mental state was. They even went so far as to say that by working for Cerberus, he was committing treason."

Ashley felt like she was listening to her conversation with Shepard on Horizon all over again. It almost scared her that she and the Council actually agreed on something. They even used similar phrases to what she said to Shepard. Regardless, what mattered was what Anderson thought. He was the one who knew Shepard the best so it was his opinion that counted.

"What did you think?" asked Ashley.

"The minute Shepard brought up the Reapers," Anderson continued, "I knew that he was not a traitor and I let the Council know that by telling them they were going too far calling him that. You and I both know that the Reapers are out there. When you throw them into the equation, it makes more sense to believe that they are the ones working with the Collectors than the Alliance's theory about Cerberus. Now even though the Council still doesn't believe in the Reapers, my defense of Shepard convinced them that they should give him some kind of support. It wasn't much but they offered to reinstate Shepard's Spectre status. Shepard accepted their offer and we ended the meeting with the Council wishing Shepard luck on his mission and for a speedy end to his alliance with Cerberus."

Ashley couldn't believe what she was hearing. More so she was horrified by what she was hearing. Based on what Anderson told her, not only had he known that Shepard was alive but he and the Council had approved of what Shepard was doing with Cerberus. As the words she had said to Shepard came back to her, it made her feel terrible. She had accused Shepard of betraying Anderson and yet Anderson was telling her that wasn't the case. There was no telling how much she had hurt Shepard for making such a huge false accusation.

Unfortunately the first thing Ashley did was try to shift the blame. She thought back to when she had earlier asked Anderson about the rumors of Shepard return. He didn't say anything then but there was no doubt that Anderson knew about Shepard at that time. If he had told her about Shepard earlier, maybe Horizon could have turned out differently.

"With all due respect sir," she said, "why didn't you tell me you knew about Shepard when I asked you before? Shepard was my former commanding officer. Don't you think I deserved to know that he was alive?"

Ashley expected Anderson to scold her for challenging him like that. Instead he just looked at her with a disbelieving stare.

"Is that the only reason you feel you deserved to know the truth?" he asked.

The question took Ashley by surprise. Was Anderson implying that he knew about her relationship with Shepard? She and Shepard had tried hard to keep their relationship a secret to avoid conflicts with the Alliance's fraternization regulations. Shepard might have been a Spectre but he was still an Alliance soldier so the regs still applied to him. It was possible that some of their closest friends from the Normandy knew about their relationship but Anderson hadn't been on the Normandy since he was forced to step down from command. How could he possibly know?

Anderson invited Ashley back to his desk and the two sat back in the chairs they were in earlier, "there's no need to deny it Williams. I know about you and Shepard. Like I said, I've known Shepard a long time. It wasn't hard for me to pick up that something was different about him after his hunt for Saren was over. After everything he had learned about the Reapers and the threat of their return, he should have been looking weighed down by the pressure of finding a way to stop them. In some ways he was but it was like there was something that was keeping him from being completely weighed down. Something that was making him the happiest I had ever seen him. It didn't take me long to figure out that it was you. I didn't say anything because I knew why you two were keeping it a secret. I understand the reason for regs against fraternization but you two seemed so happy together and your relationship didn't appear to affect your duties so I decided to let it go on. As for why I didn't tell you about Shepard, I wanted to but I couldn't. Officially the Council still regards Shepard as deceased and Cerberus is still a known enemy of the Council so it can't be known that we approve of what they are doing. The important thing is that you know now. Once Shepard's mission is over, you two will be able to pick up where you left off."

The statement was all Ashley could take. To Anderson's surprise, Ashley shot out of her chair and ran out of the office. She ran down the hallway and passed several confused embassy staff before she found a restroom. She ran inside and locked herself in one of the stalls. As soon as she was seated in the stall, she broke down. It didn't matter if there was anyone else in the restroom who could hear her crying. She couldn't hold the tears back anymore.

"What have I done?" she thought, "how could I have been so stupid. Everything Shepard tried to tell me was true and I threw it back in his face. He was right, I let my feelings about Cerberus keep me from seeing the truth. Now I might have lost him for good. Why would he ever want to come back to me after what I said to him?"

Ashley was so busy beating herself up that she didn't hear the restroom door open and a voice calling out. Nor did she hear the footsteps approach her stall. It was when the person making the footsteps knocked on her door that she realized what was happening.

"GO AWAY!" she shouted hoping to scare whoever it was away.

"It's me Ashley," Anderson's voice replied calling Ashley by her first name, "are you okay?"

"(Gasp) Councilor? What are you doing in here?"

"You ran out of my office so suddenly. I was worried. What's wrong?"

Ashley opened the door slightly so that she could peek through the crack. The look on Anderson's face did show concern and Ashley really wanted to tell him everything. But Anderson was a Citadel Councilor. He had more important things to deal with than helping Ashley with her problems.

"It's my problem sir. Don't worry about it."

"Come on Ashley, you can drop the formalities. I'm not asking as a councilor. You and Shepard are like family to me. If something's wrong, I want to help anyway I can."

Even though Ashley was still crying, she managed to muster a small smile and nodded. Besides Shepard, she had never had a superior who showed this much concern for her personal well-being. Anderson's concern for her made her feel a little better. She stepped out from the stall and followed Anderson back to his office. Along the way, she told him everything about the conversation she had with Shepard on Horizon. They had reached the office and sat back in their chairs when she had finished her story. Anderson didn't say anything right away and it made Ashley nervous. She was worried that he was angry with her for doubting Shepard but she knew she deserved it. Before she could say anything else, Anderson started typing something on his terminal.

"I'm going to suggest to Alliance Command that you be given a leave of absence," he said without looking up from his terminal.

"Sir?" Ashley replied confused.

"Considering everything you've been through, I'd say a rest is called for."

Ashley rose up from her chair to protest when Anderson held up his hand to stop her, "do you remember the reason you came to see me the last time you were here?

The question prompted Ashley to think back to her last Citadel visit. It was the day of Shepard's memorial service. She was a wreck that day too. When the service was over, she went to Anderson to see what he could do about getting her back on active duty as soon as possible. Even though she still had one week left of the leave she was given following the Normandy's destruction, she wanted to get back to work. All she had done during her leave was cry over Shepard's death and she needed something to do to take her mind off of it. Against his better judgement, Anderson pulled strings to get the rest of her leave cancelled.

"Based on what's happened since then," Anderson continued, "I'm well aware that you are capable of putting personal problems aside and be an effective soldier. But I don't think this is something that you should put aside. Take some time off to figure out what you want to do next. Plus, if I recall, your youngest sister is getting married soon. Some time with your family might do you some good."

When Ashley thought about it a second, she realized Anderson was right. Getting back in the field right away was not the best choice for this situation. Maybe she would go see her family. If there was anybody she could seek advice from, it was her mom and sisters. She thanked Anderson for the leave and was about to leave the office when Anderson spoke again.

"Don't give up hope Ashley. I believe that Shepard's feelings for you are as strong as they were two years ago. He's not going to let a misunderstanding get in the way of what you two have. When you're ready, you should talk to him again. Just remember, Shepard is human like the rest of us. Don't make him wait too long."

Ashley nodded, "I'll keep that in mind. Thank you sir."

With that said, Ashley gave Anderson a final salute and walked out of the office.


	3. Ashley

 

 

Earth, the homeworld of humanity. It had been a long time since Ashley had last been on Earth. Unfortunately that was a brief visit she had to make on Alliance business. This was going to be her first time visiting Earth for pleasure. Taking Anderson's advice, she was on her way to visit her youngest sister Sarah who was currently living there. It was Sarah who Anderson was talking about when he mentioned one of Ashley's sisters was getting married. With that in mind, there was no doubt that Ashley's mother would also be there helping Sarah with the wedding preparations. There was a small chance that Ashley's other sisters Abby and Lynn would be there too but it was her mom and Sarah that she needed to see the most. It wasn't that she didn't love her other sisters, her entire family was important to her. The reason she wanted to see her mom and Sarah was because they were the ones she was the most comfortable talking about…him.

While she was on the original Normandy, Ashley had received a video message from Sarah. In the message, Sarah talked about how Ashley had mentioned that she was currently serving with Shepard. Being the playful little sister that she was, Sarah teased Ashley by mentioning that she had seen Shepard on the news and thought that he was cute. To Ashley’s horror, Shepard had just come over to her station to talk to her and overheard Sarah’s comment. If it hadn’t been for the fact that Ashley and Shepard ended up together, Ashley probably would have killed Sarah for making the comment. There was still a downside though. When Ashley told Sarah about her and Shepard, Sarah wouldn’t stop boasting about how she had helped Ashley get a boyfriend. That aside, Sarah quickly became one of the two people she confided with about her relationship with Shepard.

 As for her mother, Ashley didn't need to tell her about Shepard. Just like Anderson figured it out from Shepard's behavior, Mrs. Williams noticed that something was different about Ashley when she came home after the mission. She actually asked Ashley up front who the lucky man was that had stolen her heart. When Ashley asked her how she knew, Mrs. Williams just smiled and replied "a mother notices things like that, plus I've seen the same look you have on your face in the mirror when I was dating your father." Ashley was a little hesitant to answer because she knew her mother was aware of the Alliance's rules against fraternization. To her surprise, Mrs. Williams didn't seem to mind. Instead she appeared delighted just to hear that Ashley was with someone. She went on to explain that she didn't care what a bunch of admirals had to say about who her daughter could date. As long as Shepard made Ashley happy, that was all that mattered.

Because of the potential consequences that could happen if word got out about Ashley and Shepard's relationship, it was decided that Sarah and Mrs. Williams would be the only ones who were allowed to know. As much as it pained Ashley to keep such a secret from Abby and Lynn, she was secretly happy that she would only have to deal with one sister pestering her about her love life. As the relationship went on, Ashley would give her mother and Sarah updates on how she and Shepard were doing and it was always good. Then came the attack on the Normandy. When Ashley returned home after the Normandy was destroyed, her whole family was relieved to see she had survived until they noticed how sad Ashley was. Only Mrs. Williams and Sarah knew why and it was then that Abby and Lynn were made aware of Ashley and Shepard's relationship. Everyone did their best to help Ashley through her grieving but it was hard since Ashley spent most of her time locked in her room. When Ashley was about to return to active duty, her family was worried that it was too soon. Ultimately they accepted that it might be the best way for her to take her mind off of things and wished her well when she left on her first deployment. Ashley didn't see much of them the next two years but she made sure they knew she was doing okay whenever she could but no one talked about Shepard again.

Now Ashley was going to have to talk to her family about Shepard for the first time in two years. As she sat in the cab that was taking her to Sarah's home, she thought about what was going to happen when she arrived. She had sent a message to Sarah to let her know she was coming but she wondered if that was a good thing. By now everyone in the galaxy had heard the rumors of Shepard's unexpected return and supposed connection with Cerberus. Ashley was afraid that her family would bombard her with questions about if any of it was true. She had given her word to Anderson that she wouldn't repeat what they had discussed but she needed to talk to Sarah about Shepard. Not just to tell her the rumors about Shepard being a traitor were false but because she needed advice. If there was anyway that Ashley could save her relationship with Shepard, she needed to take it but she didn't know how. Any tips Sarah could give her would be a big help.

Finally the cab pulled up at Sarah's house. Ashley couldn't help but smile at the fact that the house was in a small, rural area. Their family had moved around a lot because of her father's deployments but for the most part they would always live in a small colony. Sarah apparently choose to live in a place that had a similar feel and avoided the major cities. In fact, Sarah's house reminded Ashley of what most people described as the ideal home, right down to the white picket fence that went around the yard.

Standing in the doorway to greet Ashley was Sarah. Sometimes it was hard for Ashley to believe that her baby sister was now a young woman and was going to be married soon. By looking at her, you could tell Sarah was Ashley's sister by the resemblance. The main difference between the two was the fact Ashley was a brunette while Sarah was a redhead. Even though Ashley was expecting it, she was still nearly knocked over when Sarah jumped at her to give her a hug.

"It is so great to see you sis," Sarah squealed, "how long has it been?"

"Apparently long enough that my baby sister got engaged while I was gone," Ashly replied while looking at the large engagement ring on Sarah's hand.

"Come on Ashley, how long are you going to call me your baby sister? As you said I'm engaged, I'm practically a woman."

"Yes but since we don't have any sisters younger then you, you will always be the baby of the family. Face it Sarah, I'm never going to stop calling you that."

Sarah sighed, "fair enough. Come on in, we have a lot to talk about."

"Indeed we do. Let's start with you telling me more about Thomas."

As Sarah showed Ashley into the house, she began telling Ashley the story of how she met her fiancé Thomas. To Ashley's surprise, Sarah said that Thomas was a Second Lieutenant in the Alliance. Ashley was the only one in her family who chose to continue the Williams tradition of joining the Alliance. Neither of her sisters wanted anything to do with the military life so hearing that Sarah was engaged to a soldier seemed out of character for her. Sarah went on to explain that she had met Thomas while he was visiting Earth on leave. He had come to the insurance company she worked for to buy a policy for his skycar. Sarah was the agent who helped him get the policy. It was love at first sight. Even after Sarah found out Thomas was a soldier, there was no denying the connection they had. Six months after they started dating, they were engaged.

While Sarah was telling her story, Ashley took note of how nice the inside of Sarah's house was. Just like it was simple on the outside, it was simple on the inside yet it still showed Sarah's personal style. Though it did seem a bit too girly for someone who was soon going to have a man living with her. Sarah picked up on Ashley's concern and explained that she and Thomas were going to pick out new furniture to make the space theirs and not just hers.

"Is that my Ashley I hear down there?" came a voice from the second level.

Ashley recognized the voice immediately and ran to the stairwell. Sure enough, coming down the stairs was her mother. Ashley ran up to meet her and the two embraced.

"I had a feeling you were going to be here Mom," said Ashley.

"Did Sarah tell you that I was staying here?" Mrs. Williams asked.

"No, I just remembered that you stayed with Abby too when she was about to get married. You just can't help yourself from getting involved in the wedding preparations."

Mrs. Williams chuckled, "I only want to see that my daughter's special day is a memorable one."

Ashley and Mrs. Williams hugged again. During their hug, Ashley managed to see Sarah at the bottom of the stairs. She was rolling her eyes and pretended her hand was a gun blowing her brains out. It took a lot for Ashley to hold in her laughter so as not to let her mother know what was going on. When the hug was broken, the two ladies rejoined Sarah downstairs and sat down in the living room.

"So Sarah told me that you were on leave." Mrs. Williams said to Ashley.

Ashley's smile vanished, "yeah, my last assignment didn't go well so Alliance Command gave me some time off."

"I'm sorry Ashley," said Sarah, "what happened?"

"Now Sarah you know we shouldn't ask Ashley about her missions," Mrs. Williams scolded, "it might be classified. Ashley will tell us if she's able to."

"It's okay Mom. I don't mind telling you but it's a long story. Basically I was supposed to keep a colony safe and I failed. If it wasn't for the unexpected reinforcements I got, the entire colony would have been lost."

"That's awful," said Mrs. Williams, "I'm sorry about the colonists but I am relieved to see that you're alright."

"Well, physically I am."

'What do you mean?" asked Sarah.

The moment of truth was here. With both her mom and Sarah here, this was the perfect time to tell them what was really bothering her. She took a deep breath to ready herself for what she was about to say next.

"The unexpected reinforcements I mentioned, it was Shepard."

As Ashley expected, Sarah and her mother didn't appear to be surprised by what she had said. They had obviously heard the rumors about Shepard too. She watched as the two of them shared a look indicating that they had talked earlier about how they were going to handle this situation. Finally Mrs. Williams spoke first.

"We had heard that Shepard was alive…and that he was working with that terrorist group. We thought about calling to tell you but given how badly you took his death, we didn't want to upset you more while you were on deployment."

Ashley nodded, "I appreciate that but it didn't matter. I had heard the rumors too. I jumped to Shepard's defense whenever someone brought them up. I never explained the real reason I was standing up for him but I was convinced that Shepard wasn't a traitor. When I saw him on that colony though with that Cerberus operative, I lost it."

"I can't imagine what it must have been like for you Ash," said Sarah, "we all know how close you and Shepard were. I just can't believe he would betray the Alliance like that."

"That's just it Sarah," Ashley said, "he didn't."

Mrs. Williams and Sarah shared a puzzled look. Ashley knew she needed to continue but first she had to choose her words carefully. She couldn't say too much because she was sworn to secrecy by Anderson but there had to be a way to explain what she meant without breaking her promise. Fortunately there was a way to do it. All she had to do was not mention that the Council and Anderson were supporting Shepard's mission. With that in mind, she continued.

"I found out that Shepard was not a traitor after all. He isn't actually working FOR Cerberus. He's out there trying to stop the colony abductions and he's only working WITH Cerberus to accomplish that."

"Are you sure Ashley?" Sarah asked. "I mean I hope what you're saying is true but I remember everything you've told us about what kind of a group Cerberus is. They don't seem like they would be the first people Shepard would go to for help."

"I'm sure Sarah. The person I heard this from is someone I trust. According to them, the only reason Shepard is working with Cerberus is because he couldn't get any help from the Alliance or the Council."

Mrs. Williams got up from her seat and sat down next to Ashley while putting an arm around her shoulder, "from what you've told me about Shepard, he seems like the kind of person who can't ignore people who are in need. He probably doesn't like the arrangement either but he's doing what he needs to do to help those colonists."

Ashley nodded, "I know that Mom. That's one of the things I loved about him. I just wish I would have remembered that when I saw him on that colony."

A concerned Sarah joined Ashley and Mrs. Williams when she noticed tears appearing in Ashley's eyes, "what happened Ashley?"

As the memory of what happened on Horizon flashed through Ashley's mind again, she broke down and hugged Mrs. Williams. Mrs. Williams was slightly surprised by the sudden embrace but quickly recovered and started patting Ashley on the back.

"It's alright sweetheart," she said trying to calm Ashley down, "just tell us what happened."

"Oh Mom," Ashley sobbed, "Shepard tried to tell me what was going on but I wouldn't listen to him. All I could focus on was the fact he was with a Cerberus operative and a female Cerberus operative at that. I accused him of betraying the Alliance and me. Not just because of being with Cerberus but because I assumed he had left me for that Cerberus operative. I thought I'd lost him when he was gone but now I might have lost him for good. Why would he ever want to come back to me when I accused him of such terrible things?"

Mrs. Williams and Sarah shared another look. This one communicated that they both now understand the whole story. Sarah then gave Mrs. Williams a questioning look like she was asking what they should do. Mrs. Williams just raised one of her hands and waved it up and down as a silent way of saying "everything will be fine."

When it came to matters of the heart, Mrs. Williams was an expert. Between her own experience with her husband and being a silent observer to the love lives of her four daughters, it seemed like there was nothing Mrs. Williams hadn't seen when it came to relationship bumps. True this one was a bit unusual because of Shepard being gone for two years but there was still something similar about this situation. However she decided this wasn't the time to talk about it.

Right now she needed to help Ashley relax. It was going to be tough to help Ashley with her problem when she was in this state. The best way to that was to think of something they could do that would make Ashley happy and take her mind off things. The perfect idea came to her right away. She broke her embrace with Ashley and pulled out a handkerchief to wipe the tears from Ashley's eyes. While she did that, she pretended to be surprised by the time on a nearby clock.

"Oh look at the time," she said, "Sarah, weren't you going with Abby and Lynn today to get their bridesmaid dresses fitted?"

Sarah was confused by the question but sensed that Mrs. Williams had a plan and played along, "oh yes. They should be here any minute."

"Well then I guess it's a good thing Ashley got her leave when she did. She can join us and we can get her fitted for her maid of honor dress at the same time."

Now it was Ashley who looked confused, "I don't understand."

"Trust me dear, running errands with your sisters and me will be good for you. We'll have plenty of time to talk about this more when we get back and you've had a chance to relax."

Ashley was still taken aback by her mother’s sudden move away from the conversation but she trusted her mother’s judgement. She nodded and went upstairs to Sarah’s guest room and unpacked her bags. By the time she was finished, her sisters Abby and Lynn had arrived. They were both surprised to see Ashley but were happy to hear she was going to be shopping with them. In fact, all five Williams women were excited for the trip as it was going to be the first time in awhile that they were doing something as a family.

The day started off a little awkward as Abby and Lynn both wanted to talk to Ashley about if the rumors were true about Shepard. Fortunately they were silenced when they noticed Mrs. Williams giving them a disapproving look. While the brief time spent on the topic made Ashley sad again, she couldn't help but laugh at how quickly Abby and Lynn were silenced by their mother's stare. As far back as she could remember, Mrs. Williams never needed to say anything to keep her and her sisters in line. Just giving them a look was enough to scare them into submission. As a soldier, Ashley was glad she inherited her mom's stares. They came in handy more than a few times in her career.

The rest of the day was spent at the dress shop. Sarah explained to Ashley on the way that she had picked out the dresses a few days ago. She went on to say that she was sure that Ashley was going to like the dress she picked out for her. Ashley would have been happy to hear that except she noticed Abby and Lynn shaking their heads and making grossed out expressions. At the store, Ashley realized why. The dress that Sarah had picked out was a pink dress with something that almost looked like pom-poms on the shoulders. Pink was never one of Ashley's favorite colors and the dress was way too girly for her liking. In her opinion it was probably the ugliest dress she had ever seen. She would have complained but she knew there was a reason for the dress being so ugly. It was common knowledge that bridesmaids dresses were supposed to look ugly so that the bride would look all the more beautiful in her wedding dress. When Ashley was in her dress and saw her reflection in the mirror, it was tough for her to hide her disgust.

"Sarah better look pretty damn beautiful in her dress so it will be worth the humiliation I get wearing this thing," Ashley thought, "if not, I guess I can always enjoy setting this on fire when the wedding is over."

After Abby and Lynn had been fitted for their dresses, the women enjoyed a nice dinner before they parted ways. Abby and Lynn returned to their homes while Ashley went with Sarah and Mrs. Williams back to Sarah's house. When they arrived, Sarah decided to turn in early and went to bed. As Mrs. Williams joined Ashley in the living room, she smiled as she was happy to see Ashley's mood had improved considerably since they left the house. She didn't like the fact that she was going to dampen the mood slightly by resuming their earlier discussion but this was the best time to give Ashley her advice.

"Did you have a good time today sweetie?" she asked Ashley.

"I had a great time Mom," Ashley replied, "you were right. Hanging out with you guys was exactly what I needed."

"I'm glad," Mrs. Williams replied, "I'm sorry if it seemed like I cut our conversation short by making you come with us but I knew nothing I said would've helped if you were too upset to hear it."

"That's okay, I understand. I would still like your advice though. I really need someone to tell me that it's still possible for Shepard and me to be together."

"Well I believe that anything is possible. You know, I had a similar problem with your father and we managed to stay together."

The comment surprised Ashley, "really?"

"When I was pregnant with Sarah, your father was on duty along the boarders of batarian space for most of the pregnancy. As my due date got closer, it was beginning to look like he wasn't going to be there for the birth. He was there when you, Abby and Lynn were born so I really wanted him to be there for Sarah too. I called him once to find out when he was coming home but he couldn't tell me. I probably would have been okay with that except the reason he couldn't tell me was because he was not allowed to. We fought about it and the last thing I said to him was that it seemed like he loved his job more than he loved his family. I knew it wasn't true but I was just so angry that it slipped out. For the next few days I thought about calling him to apologize but I was afraid he was so upset with me that he wouldn't answer. Then I saw a news report about a botched Alliance raid in batarian space in which all the soldiers involved were killed. The first thing I thought was that your father was one of the casualties."

"I think I remember that," Ashley said, "you were crying a lot during that time."

"Yes but it wasn't just because we thought he was dead. All I could think about was that I was mean to him the last time we talked. I hated myself for not apologizing when I had the chance. I can't tell you how relieved I was when he walked into the delivery room just before Sarah was born. That was the only time where I think the Williams curse was a blessing. If he hadn't been passed over when they were picking men for that raid…I'm sorry, I'm getting off topic. My point is that it's obvious you still care for Shepard and you are sorry about what you said to him. It also sounds like the mission that Shepard is on will be a dangerous one. If there's something that you want to tell him, you might want to tell him sooner rather than later."

With nothing more to say on the subject, Mrs. Williams gave Ashley a kiss goodnight and went upstairs to bed. Now alone, Ashley thought about what her mother had said. A part of her was still nervous that anything she could say to Shepard wouldn't make a difference. What she did to Shepard was terrible and she wasn't sure if she would forgive someone who did the same thing to her. Still she had to do something if she wanted to have any chance of salvaging their relationship. Shepard was not an unreasonable person so he might at least listen to her. Ultimately though, she had to do something because her mother was right. If Shepard didn't come back from his mission and she didn't say something, she would feel much worse than she did at that moment.

Her mind made up, Ashley entered Sarah's home office and powered up the terminal on Sarah's desk. She opened up her messaging account and was about to type when she realized that she didn't know Shepard's address. Without it, how was she supposed to send him a message? It was at that moment that she saw an indicator flashing next to her inbox folder. There was an unread message in it. When she opened the message, she saw that it was from Anderson. The subject read "When You're Ready to Talk to Shepard." Below the subject line was contact information that Ashley figured belonged to Shepard. Ashley quickly sent Anderson a message thanking him for the information and for everything else he had done for her the last few days.

Ashley then entered Shepard's contact information and was about to start typing her message but she stopped before she could enter the first letter. She knew what she wanted to say but for some reason sending a written message didn't seem like the best way for her to say it. Instead Ashley decided the best way was to send Shepard an audio message. A written message would be easier to compose but she wanted Shepard to hear the apology from her personally and not just read it. She took a few slow breaths to relax herself and then she hit the "record" button.


	4. Shepard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Some of you are probably wondering why I had Ashley record a voice message at the end of the last chapter even though she only sends a written message in ME2. Well it's because in a way, she did send a voice message. As a Thanksgiving gift for Mass Effect fans, Kaiden's voice actor. Raphael Sbarge, recorded himself reading the message Kaiden sends if he was romanced by FemShep in ME1. Some time later, Ashley's voice actress, Kimberly Brooks, did the same thing. Her performance was so amazing that to this day, whenever I get to the point in ME2 where Shepard gets Ashley's message, I play the recording and, in my head canon, pretend that Shepard really did receive a voice message. I'm taking the same approach with this story because I feel it goes perfectly with how I'm having Ashley deal with Horizon. So I highly recommend that before reading this chapter, go to Youtube and search for "Mass Effect 2: Email (with voice over) from Ashley" (it should be the first video listed in the results), and have that video ready to play when you get to the part in this chapter where Shepard gets Ashley's message. Hopefully by hearing the message read aloud, you'll get an idea for how Shepard is feeling as he listens to it._

  
Once again, Shepard was making his rounds on the Normandy. He was also once again having to try really hard to hide the anger and frustration he was feeling from the rest of the crew. It made him glad that all the doors on the Normandy were automatic because he probably would have been unable to avoid slamming doors behind him. The reason for his current frustration was because of what happened during the debrief of his latest mission. The mission in question began when Shepard had learned from the Illusive Man that he had intercepted a distress signal from a turian patrol. In the message, they reported that they had disabled a Collector ship. The Illusive Man wanted Shepard and his crew to board the ship and find any information that could help find a way for Shepard to safely navigate the Omega-4 relay so that he and his team could finally get off the defensive and take the fight to the Collectors.

A lot of horrifying discoveries were made when Shepard and his team were on board. One important discovery was that the Collectors were in fact Protheans, a race that ruled the galaxy until, at least as far as Shepard and his team knew, they were wiped out by the Reapers fifty-thousand years ago. The discovery on the ship revealed that not all the Protheans were wiped out but had undergone brutal genetic alterations by the Reapers that turned them into obedient servants.

The mission went to hell when it was discovered that the Collectors on board were not dead and that Shepard and his team had stumbled right into a trap. It was a difficult fight but Shepard and his team managed to get the information they needed and escape the ship. However, before they escaped, Shepard learned from EDI, the Normandy's AI, that the distress signal that alerted them to the Collector ship was a fake. Shepard initially didn't see anything strange about it since it seemed logical that the Collectors would use the fake signal as part of their trap. Then EDI revealed the real reason she was puzzled by the signal. She had detected that it was a fake using Cerberus detection protocols that were written by the Illusive Man himself. In other words, the Illusive Man knew the signal was faked but sent Shepard and his team to investigate the ship anyway.

That was why the debrief began with an angry Shepard accusing the Illusive Man of betraying him just like he knew he would. The Illusive Man merely explained that he didn't tell Shepard about the fake signal because he wanted the Collectors to believe that their trap was working and that he was confident that Shepard would be able to handle whatever happened on the ship. Shepard wanted to cut the communication right then and never talk to the Illusive Man again. Sadly he couldn't. Even though his hatred for the Illusive Man was reaching its peak, Shepard still needed his help to stop the Collectors. All he could do was listen as the Illusive Man went over what EDI found in the data they recovered and how it gave them a new lead. Before signing off, the Illusive Man asked Shepard to tell the crew that he didn't put their lives at risk unnecessarily. The second half of the debriefing consisted of Shepard explaining to the crew that the Illusive Man did have a reason for sending them into the trap though he didn't hide the fact that he was not happy with it. He then went over the lead the Illusive Man shared with him. If the lead payed off, then they would have what they needed to go through the Omega-4 relay. While some of the crew expressed interest in following up on the lead right away, Shepard felt that was a bad idea. From a ship and weapons standpoint, they were ready for the mission. As for the crew, there were no more dossiers of potential squadmates so they were fully staffed. The problem was that Shepard had been noticing a lot of his squadmates seemed to be distracted by other things. If they were going to have any chance of surviving what was being called a suicide mission, everyone needed to be clear-headed and focused. Their latest lead was not time-sensitive so there was no rush for them to investigate it. Shepard decided that he was going to wait to follow up on the lead and instead talk with each one of his squadmates and see if there was something he could do to help get them mentally committed to the mission. He had already received requests from two of his squadmates when he recruited them so that was a good place to start. Thus the Normandy was currently on route to the location of the first personal mission. Unfortunately it was going to take almost a whole day to reach it leaving Shepard with few options to take his mind off the results of the Collector ship mission.

"Commander."

Shepard's rounds were interrupted when he ran into Miranda in the hallway that joined the armory, research lab and briefing room. When he turned to face her, her expression told him that she didn't stop him to have a pleasant chat. Shepard subtly rolled his eyes as he had a feeling what it was going to be about. It was more than likely about the comment he made during the debriefing. After revealing why the Illusive Man sent them into the Collector's trap, the crew seemed to reluctantly accept it. However Shepard followed it up by expressing his disapproval for it by saying "he tries something like that again and the Collectors will be the least of his problems." Miranda's next comment proved that Shepard's hunch was right.

"I didn't want to upset the crew further by bringing this up at the debriefing but I don't approve of what you said about the Illusive Man," she scolded, "challenging his decisions in front of the crew is not good for morale. He had his reasons for keeping us in the dark about the Collector's trap and, while you may not like them, it paid off. You've made it quite clear to Jacob and me how much you don't trust the Illusive Man but you shouldn't be letting those feelings become known to the rest of the crew."

"Well maybe the crew should know what kind of man they're really working for," Shepard said as he got up close to Miranda's face, "maybe YOU need to start seeing who you're really working for. How can you approve of what he's done Miranda? He's using us as an expendable means to an end. Unlike him, I don't believe anyone's life is expendable and I feel we could have found another way to get the information we needed without needlessly risking our lives."

"But Commander…"

"Don't bother Miranda! You've already tried to tell me several times about how the Illusive Man is only looking out for humanity but from what I've seen he has done nothing but ruin the lives of countless humans! Look at me for instance. He may have brought me back from the dead but he's made the entire galaxy distrust me, including someone very special to me, just so that I would have no choice but to work with him. Right now, all I want is for us to get this mission over with so that I can get away from him and Cerberus!"

Shepard waited for the next argument to come out of Miranda's mouth but was surprised when she didn't speak. Instead she looked like she was on the brink of tears. It was not something he was used to seeing from someone who was nicknamed "the ice queen". He was still up close to her face so it made easy for him to quickly figure out why. She had the same distracted, unfocused look that he had been seeing on his other squadmates. There was something on her mind and it was making her unable to concentrate on their argument. Shepard was about to ask Miranda what was wrong but changed his mind. After what he just said to her she probably wouldn't be willing to open up to him. It was hard enough for Shepard to get to know basic things about her during their previous one-on-one conversations in her office and that was when they weren't arguing. Still he was going to need her to tell him soon so that he could try and help her. So he decided to at least end their conversation civilly and hope to bring the subject up at a later time.

"I'm sorry Miranda," he said softly, "I do appreciate your concern and you should be able to share concerns with me without worrying I might snap at you. I guess I've got a lot on my mind."

The apology seemed to make Miranda feel better but now she seemed concerned by what Shepard said, "anything I can do to help?"

"No thank you," Shepard replied, "I appreciate the offer but these are things I need to work out on my own. In the meantime, I will take what you said into consideration."

"Thanks Commander, I'll be in my office if you need me."

After Miranda had gone, Shepard resumed his rounds while thinking about what he had just said to her. The more he thought about, he really did have a lot of stuff on his mind. First there was the fact that he was bothered by having to rely on the help of the Illusive Man who had proven twice now that he wouldn't hesitate to put people in unnecessary danger to get what he wanted. Next there was the general pressures of command. He was leading the crew into a suicide mission and he had to convince them there was a chance of getting out alive even though he had no idea how they were going to do that. Finally, and probably the biggest distraction of all, he couldn't stop thinking about Ashley. It had been a while since Horizon yet their conversation lingered in his mind. He still hoped there was a chance of saving their relationship but he didn't know how to do it. If she was still angry at Shepard because she thought he was working for Cerberus, she might not want to talk to him. With all these distractions on his mind, Shepard was worried that maybe he was not focused on the mission and that he too needed the same kind of help he was trying to give his squadmates.

The question now was who could Shepard turn to for help. He could talk to either Garrus, Joker, Dr. Chakwas or the recently added Tali'Zorah vas Neema since they had served with him on the original Normandy and knew him the best. However he felt the advice he needed had to come from someone who didn't know him well so that the advice could be unbiased. The seven other non-Cerberus crew members fit that bill but Shepard didn't think it would be wise to seek advice from either a bounty hunter, thief, scientist, convict, tank-bread krogan, justicar or assassin. That left only the Cerberus personnel. For the most part Shepard felt that none of them seemed to be "bad" people but he didn't know if he could trust them completely due to their loyalty to Cerberus.

Then again, there was one person he could probably talk to. After all, one of her jobs was monitoring the crew to ensure that their mental health was sound. Plus, out of all the Cerberus members on the crew, she was one of the few that he knew the best. His mind was made up. The best person he could seek advice from was his yeoman and ship counselor, Kelly Chambers. Fortunately Kelly was at her post by the galaxy map making it easy for Shepard to find her. She turned to face Shepard when she heard him coming up behind her.

"You had me so worried when you were trapped on the Collector ship," Kelly said, "thank goodness for EDI."

Kelly was referring to the fact that Shepard and his crew would not have been able to escape the ship if it wasn't for EDI's ability to hack into the the Collector's systems. With that access, EDI was able to open the doors Shepard and his crew needed to get through to return to the shuttle. However the thing about Kelly's comment that took Shepard by surprise was the genuine concern he heard in her voice. Sure she should be concerned about the safety of her commanding officer…but there seemed to be more to it than that.

"That sounds like more than just professional concern Kelly," Shepard said.

"You're more than just my commander," Kelly replied, "you're my friend."

If the first comment had taken Shepard by surprise, the second one left him almost speechless. True the previous talks he had with Kelly included a little bit of playful teasing you might see between friends but he didn't expect to hear any of the Cerberus crew members, let alone Kelly call him a friend. A part of him now felt bad that he had been keeping her somewhat at arms length. Looking back, Shepard realized Kelly had been trying to be friendly with him since they first met. She even insisted right off the bat that Shepard call her by her first name. The conversation he was having with Kelly now proved to him that he was right in picking Kelly to be the one to discuss his problems with.

"EDI brought you back to me," Kelly continued, "if she had a body I'd give her a big hug."

Shepard smiled. One thing he always liked about Kelly was her loving personality. It didn't matter if the person was human, alien, male or female or even if the person was an AI, Kelly loved them all.

"I'm standing right here," he replied, "where's my hug?"

"Oh Shepard," Kelly chuckled, "I wish there were time to get to know you better."

That was the opening Shepard was looking for. Another thing he remembered from when he and Kelly first met was that she said that her job as a counselor was best done informally. Shepard decided that the best way to do that was if Kelly and he had dinner together. So he did something he hadn't done with anyone else since he first stepped onto the Normandy, he invited Kelly up to his cabin.

"Why don't you join me in my cabin for a meal," he said, "it would give us a chance to talk."

"That sounds wonderful, lead the way."

* * *

It may not have been an elegant dining room but Shepard was able to set up a nice place for him and Kelly to have dinner using the couch and coffee table. Shepard and Kelly had longed stopped eating their meal and had been doing nothing but sharing stories for the last two hours. They were having such a good time that Shepard had forgotten the main reason he wanted Kelly to join him in his cabin. Fortunately, while Kelly was getting ready to leave, she proved to be as observant as she stated during their first meeting.

"Well Shepard this has been an amazing dinner but I think it's probably time you told me why you really wanted to see me," she said.

"How did you know…?" Shepard started to reply before he stopped himself, "I…I mean I told you I wanted to have dinner so that we could have a chance to talk and get to know each other better."

Kelly's smile showed that she wasn't buying it, "It's okay Shepard. I'm sure that you really meant what you said but I can tell there is something else on your mind."

Shepard gave a slightly embarrassed smile as he realized he had been caught. He then got up from the couch to grab the picture of Ashley on his desk. He wasn't planning on bringing her up right away but he figured he'd get the picture now so that he would have it when he needed it. While he was getting it, he started answering Kelly's question.

"As you are aware," he said, "I've decided to wait a bit before we follow up on our latest lead on the Collectors. The reason is because once we do, it won't be much longer before we hit the Omega-4 Relay. The odds of us getting out alive are slim but we've been making progress on improving our chances. All I need to do now is ensure that everyone on my team is free of distractions and fully committed to the mission. That's why I'm going to have us spend the next couple of days doing some personal missions for my squadmates. Unfortunately, while I can help my crew, I have some distractions of my own that I could really use some counseling for. Your unofficial job is to monitor the mental health of the crew so…"

Kelly nodded that she understood, "I'm all ears Shepard. I'll try to help anyway I can."

"Do you want me to lie down," Shepard joked referring to how most people picture a psychology session as a patient lying on a couch while the doctor sits in a chair taking notes.

The joke made Kelly chuckle, "only if you want to. Do whatever makes you the most comfortable."

Sitting back down on the couch, Shepard began by talking to Kelly about his general nerves about the mission. It was a new experience for Shepard as he usually tried to hide any nerves he had from the crew so as not to lower their morale. However he chose not to mention his uneasiness about working with Cerberus because he didn't want to make Kelly take sides since she worked for Cerberus herself. Instead, Shepard went into the details about how he felt like he was just going through the motions of commanding even though there was a part of him that was worried the mission wasn't going to end well no matter what he did. True to her word, Kelly just sat and listened to everything Shepard said. When Shepard was finished, Kelly gave him some reassuring words about how she didn't believe he was just going through the motions. She said that she believed he was going to lead them through the mission because his motivations were genuinely good. Shepard really cared about what was happening to the colonists and as long as he held on to that motivation, he would succeed. The smile on Shepard's face proved that Kelly's words were helping. Now Shepard was ready for the big problem he needed to talk to Kelly about. He gave Kelly the picture of Ashley for her to look at.

"You remember what I said when you asked me how I felt about Chief Williams?" he asked.

Kelly nodded as she put the frame down on the table.

"I meant what I said," Shepard continued, "Ashley is an incredible woman. Unfortunately she took my death really hard. Then when I showed up on Horizon in a Cerberus vessel, supposedly confirming the rumors that I had faked my death to defect to Cerberus, she accused me of betraying the Alliance and her. I tried to tell her what was really going on but she wouldn't listen. When I first woke up, the one thing I wanted more than anything was the chance to see Ashley again. Our reunion on Horizon went so bad that I'm worried that I might never see her again and have that relationship we had before I died. Even if I do get us through this mission alive Kelly, what then? I've lost two years of my life, everything I've done to get the galaxy to prepare for the Reapers arrival was swept under the rug, I'm not with the Alliance military anymore and I might have lost the woman I love for good. Do you understand, Kelly? The only thing that scares me more than the mission is the fact there is literally nothing for me to go back to when it's over."

While Shepard was talking, he noticed that Kelly's expression changed from contemplative listening to…almost guilt. It was like she wanted to comment on Shepard's thoughts but somethings was keeping her from being able to speak. Suddenly Shepard saw that Kelly's eyes were moving back and forth like she was looking around the room for something. Then it dawned on Shepard what the problem was. Kelly was afraid to speak because she thought she was being watched.

"It's okay Kelly," Shepard said to calm her nerves, "it's just you and me here. I knew the Illusive Man had planted cameras and microphones throughout the Normandy so I found and disabled all of the ones that were in my cabin. I promise that no one is watching or listening to us."

Shepard's assurance helped Kelly relax a bit and she finally spoke, "you really love Chief Williams, don't you Shepard?"

Shepard nodded, "absolutely. I've never felt this way about any other woman before."

Kelly was silent for a few more seconds while she tossed whatever was in her head back and forth one more time. When she appeared to have made a decision, she pulled up her omni-tool and started typing a few commands. Shortly after she pushed the last button, a chime came from Shepard's private terminal. Shepard looked at Kelly with a confused expression as he awaited an explanation.

"You know that one of my jobs as your administrative assistant is to manage your messages," she said, "one thing the Illusive Man told me to do when I was given the job was to ensure that you never got any messages from Chief Williams. I thought the request was a little strange but he said that he was afraid that your relationship with her might distract you and jeopardize the mission. I'm sorry, Shepard. I thought I was helping you but from what you've told me, everything the Illusive Man said he was afraid would happen is happening anyway. The message you just received on your private terminal is a message from Chief Williams. It's the only one she sent, I swear."

Shepard's gaze went back and forth between Kelly and his terminal. On the one hand, his mind was racing as he wondered what Ashley may have sent him in her message. More so he was anxious because Ashley actually sent him a message. It still could have been full of bad things but at least Ashley was still willing to talk to him.

On the other hand, he was trying to figure out how to respond to what Kelly said. She knew about his feelings for Ashley but hid the message from him. He had every reason to feel betrayed. Yet, he found himself unable to be angry with her which was surprising since he had been feeling angry and frustrated with almost everything else about the mission. Unlike the Illusive Man, whose intentions for keeping Shepard and Ashley apart were purely because he was trying to manipulate Shepard to do what he asked, Kelly did what she did because she thought she was helping Shepard. There was nothing about Kelly that made Shepard think she was as evil as the organization she worked for, only loving. He reached over and took Kelly's hand.

"It's okay Kelly," he said, "You thought you were helping me which is what any friend would do. I forgive you."

Shepard then opened his arms to offer Kelly a hug. Kelly let out a relaxing sigh and looked as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She embraced Shepard and the two just sat there hugging for almost half a a minute. When the hug broke, Shepard got up and escorted Kelly to the door.

"Thanks for coming by Kelly," he said, "and thanks for the advice. I'm beginning to feel a little better now."

"Anything to help a friend Shepard," Kelly replied while giving Shepard another hug, "I hope things work out between you and Chief Williams. Good night."

When Kelly had gone, Shepard practically jumped to his terminal and pulled up his message inbox. Sure enough, there was a new message from Ashley. The subject line read: Hey there. So far the message didn't sound like it was going to be an angry one. Clicking on the message revealed that it wasn't a written message but an audio one. Shepard's finger hovered over the space bar as he contemplated hitting the play button. As nervous as he was about the message's content, he needed to know what Ashley said. He hit play and was greeted by Ashley's voice.

* * *

Shepard,

I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. When I lost you two years ago, it tore me up. I prayed for you every day. I read a lot of Tennyson, thinking about you, just like I did when my dad passed. And then you came back, and it was like my prayers were answered. But I'm not who I was then, and neither are you.

I don't know what's true anymore. Part of me can't believe it's really you. I keep going back to that night before Ilos, our night... I haven't let myself think about those memories for more than a year now.

I wouldn't have expected you to work for Cerberus, but I know why they sent you to Horizon. I saw how many people were lost there, and if anyone can stop the Collectors, you can. I can't go where you're going, but I can wish you luck.

Just stay alive out there... Skipper. I don't know what the future holds, but I can't lose you a second time.

-Ash

Death closes all: but something ere the end, Some work of noble note, may yet be done, Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.

* * *

Throughout the entire message, Shepard had been crying along with Ashley's voice. However, his tears were ones of relief and happiness. It sounded like Ashley was still wrestling with how to perceive what happened on Horizon but Shepard didn't mind. Considering what happened to him, he didn't expect her to understand it overnight. The important thing was that he could hear the genuine concern for him in her voice. Between her last few statements and the fact she used the same lines from Alfred Tennyson's "Ulysses" that she quoted during their night together before Ilos, it had renewed his hope that their relationship could be saved. After listening to the message a couple more times, he went back to the table where Kelly had placed Ashley's photo and picked it up. He looked at the picture for several seconds before he brought it to his chest like he was hugging it.

"I'll come back to you Ash," he silently said, "I promise. When this is over, we'll figure out what the future holds, together."

Suddenly it dawned on Shepard that he should be saying this in a message to Ashley rather than just think it. He went back to his terminal and was about to type a message when he noticed the clock at the bottom corner of the screen. His time with Kelly and the time he spent listening to Ashley's message took longer than he had thought. According to the time he was supposed to be in bed resting up for the first personal mission he was going to be on the next day. As much as he wanted to reply to Ashley's message right then, it was more important that he get his rest. The last thing he wanted was to break his promise to come back to Ashley because he made a mistake due to fatigue. With a renewed sense of purpose and dedication to the mission, Shepard climbed into bed and went to sleep.


	5. Ashley/Shepard

"Eight…Nine…Ten. Ready or not, here I come."

A little girl opened her eyes and began scanning the backyard she was in. The backyard may not have seemed that big but to a girl who was five-years old, it was a jungle filled with lots of hiding places. Yet she was surprised by the fact that the person she was looking for managed to completely vanish. While a little girl could hide in this backyard, the person she was looking for was a grown-up and it was hard to see how they could hide from her. The only thing the girl had going for her was that a rule had been established saying that the game could not leave the backyard. Her target was there somewhere, she just needed to find them.

The first place the girl looked was in the little playhouse. It might have been a little cramped but it was still possible for a grown-up to fit through the small door and hide inside. She cautiously approached the door like a soldier about to breach an entrance. Trying to suppress a giggle, she grabbed the doorknob and threw the door open.

"FOUND…" she started to say before realizing that the person she was looking for was not inside.

The playhouse was the most likely place where the person she was looking for could hide completely. If they weren't there, then where were they? The playground equipment could work but only if you looked at it from a certain angle. The girl's journey to the playhouse gave her the chance to glance at the playground equipment from each angle using her peripheral vision. No one was there. The kid-sized swimming pool was another possibility but as the girl approached it, she could see that there was no one there either. The girl was now getting somewhat frustrated as she was running out of places to look. Then she looked at the lone tree in the backyard. It was an oak tree and would have been too high for her to climb. However the person she was looking for was more than capable of climbing it. Her theory was confirmed when she noticed some branches moving even though there was no wind. She didn't bother trying to be sneaky this time and ran to the tree. When she reached it, she looked up and smiled.

"I FOUND YOU AUNT ASHLEY!"

"Aw man," Ashley said pretending to sound defeated, "I guess that means you win Grace."

It was only a matter of time before she was found but Ashley was still impressed by how her niece had managed to find her so quickly. True it was mostly process of elimination but she didn't think most kids would think of looking for her in a place that they couldn't reach themselves. Grace seemed to be pretty smart for a five-year old. As she climbed down from the tree, Grace was already moving away like she was ready to find a place to hide herself.

"You count and I'll go hide now," she said.

"Hold on a second Grace," Ashley said as she lifted Grace off the ground, "Mommy's going to be coming home soon and we need to get you cleaned up because we're going to be having dinner when she gets back."

Grace attempted to give Ashley a sad puppy dog face but it only made Ashley's smile grow. The kid was good but Ashley was a tough soldier and it was going to take more than a cute sad face to get her to change her mind. Maybe if Grace had been her own child it would have worked.

As for Grace's mother, Ashley was referring to her sister Abby. Abby had some errands to run with Mrs. Williams and Ashley had agreed to babysit her daughter while she was gone. The last few hours had been a blast as it gave Ashley the chance to see her niece again for the first time in almost two years. Fortunately the long absence didn't cause Grace to forget about her. When she first arrived at Abby's house, Grace ran into Ashley's arms. The two then spent most of the day playing a variety of games including hide-and-seek, catch and they even had a tea party. Ashley was always a bit of tom-boy growing up so she wasn't really fond of tea parties but she was willing to make an exception for Grace. She even agreed to wear the costume pieces Grace picked out so that it was a princess tea-party. Seeing Grace having fun made the slight embarrassment she felt being dressed up worth it.

Grace tried the puppy dog face one more time but Ashley threw one of her own and said in a fake sad voice, "now will you please go inside and wash your hands for dinner?"

Finally Grace caved, "okay Aunt Ashley."

Once inside, Grace went into the bathroom while Ashley went to the office that belonged to Abby's husband. She hadn't checked her email for a while so she figured she would use the time Grace was in the bathroom to do it. To her disappointment, there were no new messages. It had been weeks since she had sent her message to Shepard. Everyday that went by without a response from him made her more nervous. She had been hoping that it was because he was busy. After all, he was out there fighting the Collectors and Ashley knew how hard it is to find time to send a message while on a mission. She wanted to believe that was the case more than the possibility that he was mad at her and especially more so than the possibility that he might have been killed.

"No," Ashley thought, "don't even think that Ash. Shepard will be fine."

"I'm finished Aunt Ashley," Grace called from the bathroom.

Ashley quickly forced herself to cheer up so that Grace wouldn't see her worried look, "coming Grace."

The sound of a skycar horn coming from outside told Ashley that Abby had just arrived. She went to get Grace from the bathroom and the two of them went to greet her at the door.

"MOMMY!" Grace shouted as she ran into her mother's waiting arms.

"Hey Gracie," Abby responded while giving Grace a kiss on the cheek, "did you have fun with Aunt Ashley?"

"Yes, we played hide-and-seek, catch and we even had a princess tea party."

"Really?" Abby said giving Ashley a surprised look.

Ashley mouthed "don't ask" warning Abby not to make her elaborate. Abby nodded to indicate she understood and invited Ashley to stay for dinner. Ashley accepted and the three ladies proceeded into the kitchen to begin the preparations. Abby's husband arrived an hour later and right when the dinner was ready and on the table. After another excited welcome from Grace, everyone took a seat. They were about to say a prayer when a voice came from the office saying, "you have received a new message." Abby's husband was initially confused because he didn't remember leaving his email open. It was then Ashley remembered that she didn't log off after checking her messages a few minutes ago. She apologized and excused herself. She then entered the office and clicked on the "new message" icon. The subject line of the message read "RE: Hey there." Ashley's heart skipped a beat. Shepard had finally responded to her message. She felt a wave of relief come over her. The message at least proved that Shepard was still alive. She proceeded to open the message and began reading.

* * *

Ash,

You have nothing to apologize for. I would be lying if I said I wasn't hurt by some of the things you said on Horizon but after thinking about it, you weren't wrong to not completely trust me. I had been gone for two years and then I reappeared with a Cerberus ship. If the roles had been switched, I probably would have had a similar reaction.

I can't imagine what it's been like for you these past two years. Believe me when I say that I had no intention of putting you through that. I don't really know what happened to me after the Normandy was destroyed. All I know is that one minute I was floating in space and losing air, the next minute I woke up in a Cerberus facility that was under attack.

I'm sorry it took so long to respond to your message. Things have been crazy out here since Horizon and finding time to sit down and write a proper response has been nearly impossible. The other reason for the delay was because I wanted to make sure that the message was just right before I sent it. After what happened on Horizon, I didn't want to risk another misunderstanding because what I have to say is too important. Ash, you were the first person I thought of when I woke up in that facility and the thing I wanted most was the chance to see you again. I tried to get a message to you but all my attempts to reach you were stonewalled for one reason or another. I can't help but wonder if I had gotten a message to you sooner, maybe our reunion could have turned out differently.

I've missed you so much Ash and I don't want to lose you either. A part of me thought I did after Horizon. I know we’ve both changed over the past two years but one thing that hasn’t changed is how much I care about you. I don't know what the future holds either but I know that, if you are willing, I would like to face whatever it holds with you. You don't have to answer right away. I know you've had to absorb a lot of information lately. All I ask is that you take as much time as you need to think it over.

We're about to hit the Collector homeworld so I should probably wrap this up. My team is as ready as they can be but it's hard to be ready when we don't know what's waiting for us there. I don't like going into a fight blind but "though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me." I know that when the psalm says "you are with me," it's talking about God. I do believe that is true in this situation as well but I also feel that I don’t need to be afraid because you are with me too. Regardless of what we find, my team and I are going to see it to it that no one is abducted by the Collectors again. One way or another, this is going to end soon.

Be safe, Ash.

Shepard

* * *

The message had left Ashley feeling several emotions. Initially she felt scared. Shepard had told her that he was about to attack the Collector homeworld. She knew that meant he would have to go through the Omega-4 relay and there were stories of how other ships that had attempted to go through it never returned. It was practically a suicide mission. The only thing keeping her from panicking was the fact that Illos was a suicide mission too and Shepard managed to survive that.

After the initial fear subsided, the next emotion Ashley felt was happiness. The message proved that Anderson was right. Shepard's feelings for her were still as strong as they were two years ago. He also was not letting what happened on Horizon change that. As she reread the third and fourth paragraphs of the message, she could feel the Shepard had put his heart and soul into his words. The tears began to flow when she reread the part where Shepard quoted the Book of Psalms and how he also said that his feelings for her would help him not be afraid of the mission.

When Ashley had finished rereading the message one final time, she closed her email and rejoined Abby's family at the dinner table. The table was the same as she had left it and none of the food had been touched. Abby explained that they were waiting to say their pre-meal prayer until Ashley came back. Ashley apologized for keeping them waiting and took her seat.

"Is everything alright?" Abby asked when she noticed what was left of the tears on Ashley's face.

"Yeah," Ashley replied with a small smile, "it was from you-know-who. We'll talk about it after dinner."

Abby smiled and nodded. Ashley didn't need to tell her anymore to help her figure out who she was talking about. With nothing more to say, everyone joined hands and bowed their heads. Abby's husband then led them in a prayer. The main focus of the prayer was thanking God for the many blessings in their lives including family, the food they were about to eat and for soldiers like Ashley who were out there fighting to defend the freedoms they enjoyed everyday. At the same time, Ashley was saying a silent prayer of her own for Shepard. She quoted the same bible verse Shepard did in his email and asked for God to be with him and his crew and keep them safe from whatever awaited them beyond the Omega-4 Relay. She also asked for the guidance and wisdom to handle whatever came after Shepard's mission was over. Her feelings for Shepard were still as strong as ever and she wanted the same thing Shepard wanted, a future together. Sadly the incident on Horizon had put several doubts in her head and they weren't something that could just go away. There was going to be a lot of work that she and Shepard would have to do to mend their relationship but that was the case with most good things and life. In this case, Ashley knew that this was something that was going to be worth fighting for and she was willing to put in whatever work it took.

* * *

The elevator was only taking him down two floors but to Shepard it felt like several dozen. All things considered, he should have been happy. He had done exactly what he had told Joker he would do shortly after they crashed landed on the Collector Base. He had defeated the Collectors and was still alive to talk about it. Not only that, but he managed to complete the mission without losing a single member of his crew. So many times throughout the mission there were talks about how not everyone would be coming back from the mission. Shepard proved them all wrong. So why wasn't he happier than he currently was? It was because he was on his way to give a speech to the crew and he was going to make an announcement that some of them may not entirely approve of.

The doors to the elevator opened on the Normandy's cargo deck and Shepard was greeted by the entire crew of the Normandy. He did a quick scan of the whole room and couldn't help but be impressed with how good it looked after what they had just been through. You never would have known that a fight had taken place in there. Shepard was so focused on scanning the room that he nearly jumped when he noticed the crew snap to attention and salute him. He returned their salute and told them to stand at ease.

As he situated himself on the shuttle launch control platform so that everyone could see him, he exchanged quick glances with his twelve squadmates. Starting with Garrus and ending with Miranda, each squadmate gave him a subtle nod. They were the only ones who already knew what Shepard was about to announce and their nods indicated they were ready to carry out a plan they had worked out with Shepard if the situation called for it. Everything was in place and it was time for Shepard to begin his speech.

"Take a look around the room," he began.

The crew was initially confused by Shepard's statement but reluctantly did as he said.

"Take a look around and see if you notice any missing faces," Shepard continued, "Is there anyone from the crew that is not in this room right now? Anyone? Well I'll tell you right now that there isn't. Do you know why? It's because we traveled through the Omega-4 Relay to the center of the galaxy, blew up the Collector Base and did it without losing a single person! WE SURVIVED WHAT THE REST OF GALAXY CALLED A SUICIDE MISSION!"

The room erupted into loud cheering and applause. Shepard gave the crew a few seconds to celebrate their victory before he held up his hands and motioned for them to quiet down.

"Each and every person in this room played an essential part in making that accomplishment possible. I couldn't have asked for a better team. Thank you, all of you."

Another chorus of cheers and applause followed. Shepard used the moment to take a few calming breaths before continuing. This was the part of the speech that he was nervous about. Whatever was going to happen next all depended on how the crew took what he was about to say.

"You all have been really good to me and that is why I feel I need to give you all a fair warning about what is going to happen now. By the authority vested in me by the Office of Special Tactics and Reconnaissance, I'm placing the Normandy under Spectre authority. Effective immediately, this is no longer a Cerberus vessel."

Whatever happiness the crew was feeling at that time vanished and quickly turned to confusion. There were even some who quickly picked up on what Shepard was doing and were throwing him looks of anger and betrayal. The looks that Shepard's squadmates were giving him showed they were worried that this was going to get out of hand quickly. While Shepard was feeling the same way, he also felt that there was still a chance this could be resolved peacefully. He held up his hands again.

"Please, I know that some of you aren't going to be happy with this but all I ask is that you let me finish before you make a decision on how you want to respond to this. Most of you are aware that I have never been a supporter of Cerberus. It has nothing to do with the fact that I used to be in the Alliance and that they classify Cerberus as a terrorist group. It’s because I have seen some of the other projects Cerberus has conducted. In fact I was the one that put a stop to most of them. Cerberus may claim to be trying to protect humanity but from what I've seen, Cerberus has lost its humanity in the process. That was made all the more clear to me towards the end of our assault on the Collector Base. I was all set to blow the base sky high when I got a call from your boss, the Illusive Man. He didn't want me to destroy the base. Instead he wanted me to release a radiation pulse to kill the remaining Collectors but leave the machinery intact. His reason was that he wanted to use the Collectors' technology against the Reapers, including the machine the Collectors were using to build a Reaper."

Some members of the crew were originally nodding to show they believed the Illusive Man's idea was right but stopped as soon as Shepard mentioned the Reaper building machine.

"Do you remember how the Collectors were making the Reaper? Do you remember how they were melting down humans to make the key ingredient for it? You should since most of you would have suffered the same fate if my team and I hadn't rescued you when we did. That technology killed God knows how many humans and yet the Illusive Man wanted to use it to help save humanity. I don't know about the rest of you but I fail to see how that logic works. If anything, using that technology would be a betrayal to the people who were killed by it. Now some of you may doubt that the Illusive Man would do such a thing but Miss Lawson will confirm everything I've said and you know how loyal to the Illusive Man she was."

The crew turned to Miranda for confirmation which she gave by nodding.

"I say 'was' because Miss Lawson has since resigned from Cerberus, as has Mr. Taylor. Now I meant what I said about the Normandy no longer being a Cerberus vessel. My plan now is to turn it over to the Alliance. It is after all based off designs of the original Normandy which was an Alliance frigate. Before I do, I need to know right now how many of you are going to go along with my decision. If you are with me, you will be allowed to remain on the Normandy and I will use my Spectre status to ensure that you don't face any legal action because of your association with Cerberus. If any of you are still opposed to my decision, we will drop you off at the nearest port and help you get transportation to any location of your choosing. It is only because I meant what I said about how much I appreciate everything you've done for me as my crew that I'm not going to arrest anybody. Ultimately, the choice is yours."

The crew began exchanging nervous glances with each other and some even mumbled as they contemplated what to do. Shepard looked to each of his squadmates who were each putting their hands on their weapons to handle any riots that might start. Then everyone got quiet. Shepard turned his focus back to the crowd and saw why the murmurs silenced. Stepping forward were Joker and Dr. Chakwas. The gesture, while appreciated, was not a surprise to Shepard. They were part of his original crew on the first Normandy so it wouldn't take much to get them to be on his side. This meant it wasn't going to be a surprise to the rest of the crew either and thus not influence anyone's decision. Suddenly the murmurs resumed when another person stepped forward. It was Kelly. When she saluted, a few gasps were heard. Then Engineers Kenneth Donnelly and Gabriella Daniels stepped forward and were shortly followed by Mess Sergeant Rupert Gardner. Soon more crew members stepped forward. As each person stepped forward, the murmurs got quieter. It wasn't long before the room became quiet as the last member of the crew stepped forward and saluted. Shepard couldn't help but smile as he returned the salutes.

"Thank you," he said after the salutes were dropped, "now enough with the formalities. I know that Joker wouldn't forgive me if I didn't say that we need to celebrate our victory properly. So everyone up to the crew deck because the drinks are on me."

The crew erupted into cheers as they followed Shepard to the elevator.

* * *

The party on the crew deck was still in full swing but Shepard had managed to slip away and was now riding the elevator up to his cabin. He wasn't trying to escape the party. On the contrary, he was having a great time celebrating with his crew. It was just he had something that he needed to do as part of his own personal celebration. Once he was done, he would return to the party. As soon as the doors opened, Shepard entered his cabin and went straight for his desk. He sat down in the chair and picked up Ashley's picture. He looked at her picture for several seconds before he hugged it.

"We did it Ash," he thought, "the mission is over and I don't have to work with Cerberus anymore. Now I can keep my promise and come back to you. I still believe there is a chance that we can pick up where we left off and I hope you'll see it too."

After placing the photo back on the desk, Shepard remained in his chair for a few seconds longer as he looked around his cabin at all the items he had collected on the mission. There was the display case full of model ships, his old N7 helmet he found when he placed a monument at the wreckage of the original Normandy and his dog tags he got from his former squadmate Dr. Liara T'Soni after helping her rescue her friend Feron. There was no doubt in Shepard's mind hat he had done a lot of good since coming back to life. There was still more work he would need to do if he wanted to get the galaxy ready for the Reapers but his latest victory proved that they could be beaten. His spirits lifted up by the final thought, Shepard got up and headed back to the elevator to rejoin the party. He barely made it to the door when a voice suddenly came from his terminal.

"Incoming message from Admiral Steven Hackett, Alliance HQ."


	6. Shepard/Ashley

If anyone wanted to try and enter Shepard's cabin, they likely had a death wish. Shepard had been lying in his bed looking through the skylight and crying for who knows how long. He didn't want to see anyone. He didn't want to talk to anyone. All he wanted was to be alone as he pondered how something as simple as answering a message had led to such a disaster.

The message Shepard received while he and his crew were celebrating their victory over the Collectors was a call from Admiral Hackett. Hackett had learned that Dr. Amanda Kenson, an Alliance operative and personal friend of his, had been arrested by the batarians while on a deep-cover assignment in the Bahak system of batarian space. When Shepard asked why Kenson was in batarian space in the first place, Hackett explained that Kenson had been investigating a rumor of a Reaper artifact in the system. The last report Kenson sent before being captured was that she had found the artifact and that it proved the Reapers' arrival was imminent. Because an official Alliance rescue attempt could lead to a war between the Alliance and the batarian Hegemony, Hackett wanted Shepard to go to the batarian colony of Aratoht, rescue Kenson from the prison she was being held in and confirm her findings about the Reapers. Normally Shepard wouldn't have hesitated to go on a rescue mission but he became concerned when Hackett asked that he go on the mission alone. Going on a mission without any kind of backup didn't sit well with Shepard especially when he had a perfectly capable squad that could help him. Unfortunately Shepard had to ultimately agree with Hackett's reason for the request. If the batarians saw a squad of armed soldiers coming, Kenson was as good as dead. While Shepard still had a bad feeling about the mission, he knew he couldn't ignore the possibility that the Reapers were coming and that Kenson's findings could prove it. The conversation ended with Shepard agreeing to Hackett's request.

After stealthily entering the prison, Shepard managed to free Kenson and use one of the batarians' shuttles to escape. On route to Kenson's research base on a nearby asteroid, Kenson explained that the artifact her team had found, dubbed Object Rho, had given her a vision showing that the Reapers were going to begin their invasion in the Bahak system and use its mass relay to travel throughout the rest of the galaxy. In an attempt to delay the invasion, Kenson's team came up with a plan simply called "The Project". The plan was to launch the asteroid their base was on into the mass relay and destroy it. It was a dangerous plan as destroying the relay would cause a supernova-like explosion that would wipe out the system and over three hundred thousand batarians. With such high stakes, Shepard refused to make a decision on how to act on Kenson's findings until after he saw the proof himself. Kenson obliged and took Shepard to the base and showed him the artifact as well as a timer that showed that the Reapers would be arriving in two days.

It was at that point that the mission went to hell. While the artifact did prove Kenson's findings, Shepard was horrified to find that the artifact had been carelessly left out in the open resulting in all base personnel, Kenson included, being indoctrinated by the Reapers. Under the Reapers' control, Kenson and her team had no intention of activating the Project. Shepard put up a fight when they tried to restrain him but was knocked out by a burst from the artifact. Despite the staff's attempts to keep Shepard unconscious, Shepard managed to wake up. Unfortunately by the time he woke up, the countdown to the Reapers' arrival was now at only two hours remaining. Knowing destroying the relay was the only chance he had of delaying the invasion, Shepard fought his way to Project control. It was a tough battle but he managed to get to his destination and activated the Project. While it was unlikely to do much good, he attempted to warn the colonists of Arathot to evacuate the system. Sadly his warning was cut off when he learned that Kenson was attempting to destroy the asteroid before it could reach the relay. Shepard managed to stop Kenson's plan but was unable to capture Kenson as she committed suicide via explosion. With collision imminent and no shuttles left to get him off the asteroid, Shepard fought through the remaining Project staff and mechs to reach a comm. tower and contacted the Normandy. Before the Normandy arrived, Shepard was greeted by the holographic image of Harbinger, the Reaper who oversaw the Collector's operation. Harbinger tried to tell Shepard that while what he had done may seem like a victory at the cost of a star system, the galaxy's greatest civilizations were doomed to fall. Shepard's response was that while it was possible that the Reapers would win, he and the rest of the galaxy would fight them regardless and they would find a way to win. When the conversation was over, Shepard boarded the Normandy and the ship just managed to leave the system through the relay before the asteroid destroyed it. Though happy to be alive, Shepard watched with a heavy heart as the galaxy map in the Normandy's CIC showed the resulting explosion engulf the Bahak system.

Thus Shepard now found himself lying in his bed crying. He knew that destroying the relay had to be done. The galaxy was not ready for war with the Reapers so he had to delay them by any means necessary. The thing was that no matter how many times he told himself that, Shepard just couldn't get over the fact that he was responsible for the deaths of over three hundred thousand batarians. Sure he tried to get a warning off but would it have really done any good? If only he hadn't been unconscious for two days. The time he lost would have definitely helped get most of if not all of the batarians out of the system. Of course the part that really bothered Shepard was that unlike all the other people he had killed over the course of his career, the batarians that died on Arathot were innocent men, women and children. They were all just trying to live peaceful lives not knowing until it was too late that Shepard had pushed the button that sealed their fate. Even if Shepard's choice ended up helping him defeat the Reapers, the guilt he felt over sacrificing those people was never going to go away.

However Shepard wasn't sure if his choice was going to make a difference anyway. During his debrief with Admiral Hackett in the Normandy's med bay, Hackett informed Shepard that while he believed Shepard made the right call, the rest of the Alliance wasn't going to see it that way. The batarians were already calling for Shepard's head on a platter and might declare war on the Alliance if they didn't get it. If that happened, the galaxy's chances against the Reapers would practically drop to zero. The only chance to avoid war was if Shepard turned himself in to the Alliance and plead his case. With luck, he could show them why he did what he did and get them to take his warnings about the Reapers seriously. Hackett promised to buy Shepard time to finish whatever he still needed to do with the Normandy before Shepard would have to return to Earth for his trial. While Shepard appreciated the gesture, it was hardly necessary. His mission against the Collectors was over and there were no pending assignments or personal missions left. The only thing he was going to do with the time Hackett gave him was wallow in his guilt. He would eventually have to tell the crew what was going to happen when he turned himself in but that could wait. He just wanted to be alone.

Suddenly Shepard shot up when a sudden thought entered his head. Hackett and his crew knew what really happened in the Bahak system. Anderson probably had heard from Hackett by now about what happened and Shepard knew Anderson would stand by his decision. The question was…does SHE know the truth? Shepard had been letting his guilt overwhelm him to the point that he had failed to even think about trying to contact Ashley. The whole reason their relationship was nearly ruined was because Shepard wasn't able to tell Ashley that he was alive right away. Instead she had to learn about it through rumors that also falsely reported that Shepard had defected to Cerberus. The message he had received from Ashley after Horizon gave him hope that their relationship could be saved. Now Shepard may have unintentionally thrown away all the work he had put in to saving their relationship.

Shortly after wrapping up his briefing with Hackett, Shepard had sent Ashley a message telling her that he had survived the suicide mission but he had one more thing he needed to do before he could try to get together with her on Earth. Due to Hackett's request for discretion, he didn't give any of the details. By now Ashley was probably listening to news reports about the explosion and how Shepard was suspected of being responsible. Without the critical detail about the Repears' involvement, Ashley easily could piece together the connection to the "one more thing" Shepard needed to do and jump to the conclusion that Shepard had committed senseless genocide.

Shepard had to do something to stop Ashley from thinking that and fast. He shot up from the bed and ran to his private terminal. Typing as fast as he could, Shepard opened up his mail and composed a message for Ashley. Unlike the previous messages he sent to her, he wasn't taking the time to carefully choose his words. This message needed to get to Ashley as soon as possible. As long as Shepard gave Ashley the chance to hear his side of the story, that was all that mattered. Once the message was written, Shepard hit the send button.

ERROR IN SENDING MESSAGE: MESSAGE BLOCKED

A shocked and confused look appeared on Shepard's face when the error message popped up. He tried to send the message again but got the same result. He was about to ask EDI if she could figure out what was going on when he noticed that he had an unread message in his inbox. It was from Hackett and the subject read: Heads Up. The subject worried Shepard and he quickly clicked on the message. As Shepard read it, his heart sank.

* * *

Shepard,

I hope you get this before it's too late. I meant it when I said I would make the Alliance fight to get you to come back to Earth. Unfortunately there are still some things I can't delay them from doing. Right now Alliance techs are working to hack into your mail. When they do, they are going to ensure that you can't send or receive messages. There are still some people in the Alliance who think that you are with Cerberus and don't want you to contact them for assistance. I tried to tell them that you're temporary alliance with Cerberus was over and that blocking your messages wasn't necessary but I couldn't change anyone's mind. I'm sorry, Shepard. All I can do now is hope you get this message so you won't be surprised when your messages stop going through.

You will be summoned to Earth eventually so do whatever you still need to do before then. Take care of yourself, Shepard.

Hackett

* * *

When Shepard had finished reading the message, he was overcome with anger and threw his terminal across the cabin. After the initial outburst, Shepard collapsed back into his chair and looked at Ashley's picture. The tears returned as he picked it up. Once again, outside forces were keeping him from contacting Ashley. It was beginning to look like the galaxy was trying to keep Shepard and Ashley apart. Shepard looked at Ashley's photo for several seconds before bringing it to his chest as if he was hugging it. He then got up from the chair, picture still in hand, and laid back down on the bed.

"Please Ash," he said to himself looking through the skylight, "believe in me. Don't let the rumors sway your judgement again…please."

Then Shepard said a silent prayer. He asked for God to work inside Ashley's heart so that she would be able to see the truth despite what everyone else was saying. He also asked that if it was God's will, that he would help him and Ashley reconcile so that they could have the relationship they had two years ago. Before ending his prayer and going to sleep, Shepard asked God for forgiveness for his actions in the Bahak system and that the galaxy would prepare for the Reapers arrival so that the deaths of the colonists would not be in vain.

* * *

Ash,

We did it! My crew and I have blown the Collectors to kingdom come. As we were preparing for the mission, we were told constantly that it was going to be a suicide mission. Well, we not only defeated the Collectors but we did it without a single casualty. The Normandy's crew is still intact, MY crew is still intact. I emphasized "my" to show you that the Normandy is no longer a Cerberus vessel. With the mission over, I have ended my temporary alliance with Cerberus and the best part is the entire crew sided with me as well.

Unfortunately, while I'm glad that we are all okay and that we stopped the Collectors, I'm not calling the mission a total success. I'm sorry to say that we were unable to rescue any of the colonists that the Collectors abducted. By the time we got to the Collector base, the last of the abducted colonists from Horizon were dead. The thing that haunts me the most was how they died. The Collectors were melting them down to use their genetic material to build a human Reaper. We managed to destroy it but…the stuff I saw on that base, I don't think I'll ever be able to get those images out of my mind.

Ok, enough with the sad stuff. Our mission is over but there is one more thing that I need to do before we head back to Earth where I'm planning on turning the Normandy over to the Alliance. I can't go into details about what the last thing I need to do is right now but I promise I will explain everything when it's done. Speaking of stuff I want to talk to you about, I hope you have been thinking about what I mentioned in my last message. If it means anything, I still meant what I said about wanting to see what the future holds with you.

Well I need to go. We're going to be reaching our destination soon and I need to get ready.

Take care, Ash.

Shepard

* * *

When Ashley had received Shepard's latest message, she cheered so loudly that it caused Sarah and Mrs. Williams to come running into her room. She didn't even have to read the message's content or subject line before she cheered. Simply seeing that she had a message from Shepard in her inbox was all it took. Sarah and Mrs. Williams asked her if everything was okay but all Ashley could say, or rather shout was "HE DID IT! HE'S ALIVE! SHEPARD'S ALIVE!" Though initially taken aback by seeing Ashley so excited, Sarah and Mrs. Williams quickly joined in once Ashley's words sunk in. The three women then huddled together to read the message. Ashley probably should have been annoyed that her mother and Sarah were reading over her shoulder but she was too excited to care. Aside from being slightly disturbed by Shepard's description of what he found on the Collector base, all three women were happy to read that Shepard's mission was a success. Sarah then started asking Ashley about what Shepard was referring to when he mentioned the previous message he had sent but Ashley wouldn't say a word about it. Deciding not to pry, Sarah and Mrs. Williams once more expressed their happiness with the news and left the room.

Once her mother and Sarah were gone, the smile on Ashley's face vanished and turned into a face filled with concern. She was as happy as the others about Shepard being alive but unknown to them she was troubled by one part of Shepard's message. What could Shepard possibly be referring to when he said he had "one more thing" he needed to do? Ashley never was a fan of being in the dark and this was definitely not the time for her to be in it now. She had been waiting a long time for the day Shepard's mission against the Collectors would be over as she felt that shortly after that happened she and Shepard would be able to begin reconciling their relationship. Now their reconciliation was being delayed by a mysterious thing Shepard needed to do. What was so important that Shepard would delay their reunion even more?

"No Ash," Ashley said to herself as she shook the thought out of her head, "don't doubt Shepard now. Look at where that got you last time. He said he would explain everything when he was done. If there's one thing you can say about Shepard, it's that he's a man of his word. I can wait."

* * *

It had been almost two weeks since Ashley had received Shepard's message. As the days went by, she was finding it harder not to be worried. Shepard had not given her any indication in his message that his "one more thing" was going to take long. Shouldn't Shepard have sent her another message by now? Adding to her nerves was the fact that her leave was going to be over in two days. If Shepard was going to want to talk with her, it would have to be before then as she had no idea where she would get assigned when she returned to duty.

At present, Ashley was visiting Lynn, the middle child of her siblings. Lynn was the only one of her siblings that she hadn't had the chance to spend some time with during her leave. Thankfully Ashley didn't have to take all the blame for that. It was hard to schedule time to spend with Lynn because of her job as a nurse at the local hospital. The only time Ashley had seen Lynn since coming to Earth was the day they went shopping for their dresses. Now that they both had a day where they weren't doing anything, they arranged to spend some time together watching classic romance vids. It was an interesting experience as Ashley always loved romantic stuff while Lynn couldn't help laughing at how cheesy the romance scenes were.

"I'm telling you Ash," she said as they reached the end of a vid, "no guy would ever use lines that cheesy to romance a girl."

"You'd be surprised," Ashley replied, "when Shepard and I were getting serious, I asked him if he was interested in me baggage and all. His response was 'everyone comes with baggage, the trick is finding a matched set.'"

Lynn raised an eyebrow, "he actually said that?"

Ashley chuckled, "yeah. As sweet as it was, I still can't get over how awful that line was. I really don't know what he's worse at, coming up with romantic lines or dancing."

The two sisters shared a laugh before suddenly getting quiet. As fun as it was talking about the funnier moments of Shepard and Ashley's relationship, it just brought Ashley back to the fact that she was still wondering why Shepard hadn't sent her a message yet. Quickly sensing what Ashley was thinking about, Lynn attempted to snap her out of it by asking Ashley to refill their popcorn bucket before they started the next vid. Ashley nodded and took the bucket into the kitchen. She was about to start the popcorn popper when Lynn called out from the living room.

"ASHLEY! GET IN HERE! YOU NEED TO SEE THIS!"

Ashley dropped the popcorn bucket and ran back into the living room. Lynn was pointing at the TV which was currently showing a news report. The first thing that got Ashley's attention was the headline: COMMANDER SHEPARD SUSPECTED OF MURDERING 300,000+ BATARIANS. It was after reading the headline that Ashley saw the vid that was playing. The scene showed Shepard in handcuffs being escorted by Alliance soldiers through a crowd of reporters. The reporters were shouting out questions but Shepard remained silent as his guards led him into an Alliance Headquarters building. Ashley joined Lynn on the couch to listen to the announcer explain what they were seeing.

"That was the scene outside the Alliance HQ in Vancouver as former Commander Shepard was officially placed under house arrest. The Savior of the Citadel and first human Spectre is currently facing charges for causing the mass relay explosion in the Bahak system that resulted in the death of over three hundred thousand batarians. The batarian Hegemony is already demanding that Shepard be turned over to them so that they could punish him themselves but an Alliance spokesperson commented that the Alliance will not make any decisions on that until after their investigation is completed. Shepard has already been the subject of controversy since he recently resurfaced after supposedly being dead for two years and was seen working with members of the Cerberus group. Now even the most loyal of Shepard supporters are starting to lose faith as it has been reported that Shepard is not denying responsibility for the explosion. Several attempts to get a comment from Shepard on the matter have been made but with no success. Stay tuned to this station for further developments on Shepard's case."

Lynn muted the TV and turned to Ashley who's eyes were going all over the place as several thoughts went through her mind. The report explained why Shepard hadn't been able to send a message to her but there was still so many questions she needed answers to. Was killing the batarians the "one more thing" Shepard wanted to do? Humans and batarians didn't have the best of relationships but Ashley had never known Shepard to kill someone without a good reason. There was no way all three hundred thousand of those batarians were criminals. Could it be possible that Cerberus was controlling him? Or worse, could the rumors have been right all along about Shepard working for Cerberus willingly? No it couldn't be. The messages she had received from Shepard seemed to indicate that he was still the man she loved. And yet…Ashley just didn't know. She had no idea what was true anymore

* * *

Shepard was getting restless. The room he was in was not a jail cell but it might as well have been one. He was not allowed to send messages to anyone and he was only allowed to leave his room during exercise periods. If it wasn't for his omni-tool keeping time, he would have lost track of how long he had been in the room a while ago. It was weird but Shepard was actually wishing his trial would get underway. Given his boredom however, the trial would be the most exciting thing to happen to him. Though his time in the room was not entirely uneventful. Every afternoon from two to four was the time where Shepard could have visitors. During that time, he would occasionally be visited by his court-appointed advocate, Hackett and Anderson. Each one of the men would give him an update on the trial which would have been nice if it wasn't always the same update on how slow the process was going. Besides while Shepard appreciated his advocate's assistance, he wasn't someone Shepard really cared to see. Also Hackett and Anderson's company was always enjoyable but there was only one person Shepard really wanted to see…Ashley.

It was visiting hours yet again and Shepard was doing what he always did during that time. He sat in his chair and faced the door. For two hours he would watch the door and hope that it was going to be the day that Ashley would walk through it and he could finally tell her what really happened in the Bahak system. This particular day, Shepard had another reason to believe that Ashley was going to visit. During one of Anderson's visits, he mentioned that he had requested Ashley's presence to testify in Shepard's favor. This was the day she was scheduled to testify and she was supposed to be done before his visiting hours were over. As far as Shepard could tell, the only thing that could keep Ashley from visiting him was Ashley herself.

Visiting hours came and went…the door never opened.


End file.
